France -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction
His arms clasped the empty air, and he sprang out of bed, staggering
like a drunken man; and it was only in the darkness and silence of the
workroom that he awoke from this sudden fit of madness. Where, then,
was he going, great God? To knock at the door of this sleeping child?
to break it in, perhaps, with a blow of his shoulder? The soft, pure
respiration, which he fancied he heard like a sacred wind in the midst
of the profound silence, struck him on the face and turned him back.
And he returned to his room and threw himself on his bed, in a passion
of shame and wild despair.
On the following day when he arose, Pascal, worn out by want of sleep,
had come to a decision. He took his daily shower bath, and he felt
himself stronger and saner. The resolution to which he had come was to
compel Clotilde to give her word. When she should have formally
promised to marry Ramond, it seemed to him that this final solution
would calm him, would forbid his indulging in any false hopes. This
would be a barrier the more, an insurmountable barrier between her and
him. He would be from that moment armed against his desire, and if he
still suffered, it would be suffering only, without the horrible fear
of becoming a dishonorable man.
On this morning, when he told the young girl that she ought to delay no
longer, that she owed a decisive answer to the worthy fellow who had
been awaiting it so long, she seemed at first astonished. She looked
straight into his eyes, but he had sufficient command over himself not
to show confusion; he insisted merely, with a slightly grieved air, as
if it distressed him to have to say these things to her. Finally, she
smiled faintly and turned her head aside, saying:
“Then, master, you wish me to leave you?”
“My dear,” he answered evasively, “I assure you that this is becoming
ridiculous. Ramond will have the right to be angry.”
She went over to her desk, to arrange some papers which were on it.
Then, after a moment’s silence, she said:
“It is odd; now you are siding with grandmother and Martine. They, too,
are persecuting me to end this matter. I thought I had a few days more.
But, in truth, if you all three urge me—”
She did not finish, and he did not press her to explain herself more
clearly.
“When do you wish me to tell Ramond to come, then?”
“Why, he may come whenever he wishes; it does not displease me to see
him. But don’t trouble yourself. I will let him know that we will
expect him one of these afternoons.”
On the following day the same scene began over again. Clotilde had
taken no step yet, and Pascal was now angry. He suffered martyrdom; he
had crises of anguish and rebelliousness when she was not present to
calm him by her smiling freshness. And he insisted, in emphatic
language, that she should behave seriously and not trifle any longer
with an honorable man who loved her.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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