France -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction
From this day forth Pascal seemed more engrossed than ever in his work.
He would sit for four or five hours at a time, whole mornings and
afternoons, without once raising his head. He overacted his zeal. He
would allow no one to disturb him, by so much as a word. And when
Clotilde would leave the room on tiptoe to give an order downstairs or
to go on some errand, he would assure himself by a furtive glance that
she was gone, and then let his head drop on the table, with an air of
profound dejection. It was a painful relief from the extraordinary
effort which he compelled himself to make when she was present; to
remain at his table, instead of going over and taking her in his arms
and covering her face with sweet kisses. Ah, work! how ardently he
called on it as his only refuge from torturing thoughts. But for the
most part he was unable to work; he was obliged to feign attention,
keeping his eyes fixed upon the page, his sorrowful eyes that grew dim
with tears, while his mind, confused, distracted, filled always with
one image, suffered the pangs of death. Was he then doomed to see work
fail now its effect, he who had always considered it of sovereign
power, the creator and ruler of the world? Must he then throw away his
pen, renounce action, and do nothing in future but exist? And tears
would flow down his white beard; and if he heard Clotilde coming
upstairs again he would seize his pen quickly, in order that she might
find him as she had left him, buried seemingly in profound meditation,
when his mind was now only an aching void.
It was now the middle of September; two weeks that had seemed
interminable had passed in this distressing condition of things,
without bringing any solution, when one morning Clotilde was greatly
surprised by seeing her grandmother, Félicité, enter. Pascal had met
his mother the day before in the Rue de la Banne, and, impatient to
consummate the sacrifice, and not finding in himself the strength to
make the rupture, he had confided in her, in spite of his repugnance,
and begged her to come on the following day. As it happened, she had
just received another letter from Maxime, a despairing and imploring
letter.
She began by explaining her presence.
“Yes, it is I, my dear, and you can understand that only very weighty
reasons could have induced me to set my foot here again. But, indeed,
you are getting crazy; I cannot allow you to ruin your life in this
way, without making a last effort to open your eyes.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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