Dostoyevsky, Fyodor, 1821-1881; Dostoyevsky, Fyodor, 1821-1881 -- Criticism and interpretation
attracted me too, perhaps by his very open disregard for the generally
accepted conventions and proprieties. I didn’t see, in fact, that he
was simply a fool. Anyway, I got on to friendly terms with him at once,
and as I got out of the train, I learnt from him that he would be in
the Tverskoy Boulevard between eight and nine. It appeared that he had
been a student. I went to the boulevard, and this was the diversion he
taught me. We walked together up and down the boulevards, and, a little
later, as soon as we noticed a respectable woman walking along the
street, if there were no one else near, we fastened upon her. Without
uttering a word we walked one on each side of her, and with an air of
perfect composure, as though we didn’t see her, began to carry on a
most unseemly conversation. We called things by their names, preserving
unruffled countenances as though it were the natural thing to do; we
entered into such subtleties in our description of all sorts of filth
and obscenity as the nastiest mind of the lewdest debauchee could
scarcely have conceived. (I had, of course, acquired all this knowledge
at the boarding school, before I went to the Grammar School, though
I knew only words, nothing of the reality.) The woman was dreadfully
frightened, and made haste to try and get away, but we quickened our
pace too, and went on in the same way. Our victim, of course, could
do nothing; it would be no use to cry out, there were no spectators;
besides, it would be a strange thing to complain of. I repeated this
diversion for eight days. I can’t think how I can have liked doing it;
although, indeed, I didn’t like doing it--I simply did it. At first
I thought it original, as something outside everyday conventions and
conditions, besides, I couldn’t endure women. I once told the student
that in his _Confessions_ Jean Jacques Rousseau describes how, as a
youth, he used to behave indecently to women. The student responded
with his ‘Ture-lure-loo!’ I noticed that he was extraordinarily
ignorant, and that his interests were astonishingly limited. There was
no trace of any latent idea such as I hoped to find in him. Instead of
originality, I found nothing but a wearisome monotony. I disliked him
more and more. The end came quite unexpectedly. One night when it was
quite dark, we persecuted a girl who was quickly and timidly walking
along the boulevard. She was very young, perhaps sixteen, or even less,
very tidily and modestly dressed, possibly a working girl hurrying home
to an old widowed mother with other children; there is no need to be
sentimental though. The girl listened for some time, and hurried fast
as she could with her head bowed and her veil drawn over her face,
frightened and trembling. But suddenly she stood still, threw back her
veil, showing, as far as I remember, a thin but pretty face, and cried
with flashing eyes:
“‘Oh, what scoundrels you are!’
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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