England -- Social life and customs -- Fiction; Marriage -- Fiction
This was not a thing that she would endure; nobody could endure it and
keep sanity. It should be ended! Her fierce defiant fury rose yet once
more; the temper which had wrought all the calamity was not tamed by it
in the end. She turned to her drug again. She knew there was danger in
that, but she put the notion behind her scornfully. Why, the stuff would
not even make her sleep! Could it hurt her when it could not even give
her sleep? That was nonsense, stupid nonsense. She would have sleep!
Nature fell victim to her rage now; she would beat nature down by her
fury, as she had been wont to beat down all opposing wills. She had
listened to nothing in her tempests. Now she rose again to the whirlwind
of passion, denying what she knew, refusing to look at it. Kill herself?
Not she! Yet if she did, what matter? Had she anything to look for in
life? Would anybody grieve for her? It would be a riddance for all of
them if she died. But she wouldn't die. No danger of that--and no such
luck either! Each dose left her more pitiably wide-awake, more
gruesomely alert in mind, more hideously acute to feel the sting of
those torturing thoughts. An over-dose indeed! No dose, it seemed, could
serve even to dull the sharpness of her mordant reflections. But she
would have sleep--at all costs, sleep! She cursed herself vilely because
she could not sleep.
Thus came, as of old, now for the last time, the madness and blindness
of her rage, the rage which forgot all save itself, merged every other
consciousness, spared nobody and nothing. It was turned against herself
now, and neither did it spare herself. She drugged herself again, losing
all measure, and then flung herself heavily on the bed. Ah! Yes, surely
there was a change now? The horrid pictures grew mercifully dim, the
sting of the torturing thoughts was drawn, the edge of conscience
blunted. Her rage had had its way, it had beaten down nature. For a
moment she grasped this triumph, and exulted in it in her old barbarous
gloating over the victories of her fury. All things had been against her
sleep. But now it came; she had won it. She ceased to move, to curse,
even to think. The blessed torpor stole over her. Her life and what it
must be passed from her mind; a compassionate blankness spread over her
intellect. She was at peace! To-morrow--yes, to-morrow! All things could
wait now till to-morrow. She would be better able to face them
to-morrow--after a good night's sleep. Who had dared to say she could
not sleep? Her eyes closed, and her heavy breathing sounded through the
room. She stirred no more. Her rage had its way with her, as with all
others. It had demanded sleep. She slept.
Dawn had broken when a hand laid on his shoulder roused Grantley Imason
from an uneasy doze. He found Suzette by him in her dressing-gown and
barefooted. Instinctively he listened for an instant to hear if there
were any sound from the room above. There was none, and he asked her:
"Is anything wrong?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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