Dr. Lavendar's PeopleDeland, Margaret Wade Campbell
General
Dr. Lavendar's People
Deland, Margaret Wade Campbell
Clergy -- Fiction; Pennsylvania -- Fiction; United States -- Social life and customs -- Fiction; Villages -- Fiction
So the night passed....
Rebecca Gray did not sleep. When the house was still she went
up-stairs, eager to be alone. She shut her bedroom door softly; then
she put her brass candlestick on the high bureau and looked about
her.... Everything seemed strange. Here was her old-fashioned bed
with its four mahogany posts like four slender obelisks; there was the
fine darn in the valance of the tester; the worn strip of carpet on
which she had knelt every night for all these twenty years; it was all
the same, but it was all different, all unfamiliar. The room was
suddenly the room where that woman had died; the old four-poster was
the bed of that heartbreaking night, with sheets rumpling under a
wandering hand and pillows piled beneath a beautiful, dying head; not
her own bed, smooth and decorous and neat, with her own fine darn in
the tester valance. She did not know the room as it was now; she did
not know herself; nor Robert; nor that--that--_that woman_. She sat
down, suddenly a little faint with the effort of readjusting a belief
of twenty-two years. "She was a wicked woman," she said, out loud; and
her astounded face stared back at her from the dim mirror over the
mantel-piece. After a while she got up and began to walk back and
forth; sometimes she drew a deep breath; once she laughed. "A wicked
woman!" ... Now he would know. Now he would see. And he would loathe
her. He would hate her. He would--her lip drooped suddenly from its
fierce, unconscious smile; he would--suffer. Yes; suffer, of course.
But that couldn't be helped. Just at first he would suffer. Then he
would hate her so much that he would not suffer. Not suffer? It came
over her with a pang that there is no suffering so dreadful as that
which comes with hating. However, she could not help that. Truth was
truth! All the years of her hungry wifehood rose up, eager for
revenge; her mind went hurriedly, with ecstasy, over the contrast; her
painful, patient, conscientious endeavor to do her best for him. Her
self-sacrifice, her actual deprivations--"I haven't had a new bonnet
for--for four years!" she thought; and her lip quivered at the
pitifulness of so slight a thing. But it was the whole tenor of her
life. _She_ had no vacations in the mountains; she would have liked
new valances, but she spent hours in darning her old ones to save his
money; she had turned her black silk twice; she had only had two black
silks in twenty years. All the great things she had done, all the
petty things she had suffered, rose up in a great wave of merit before
her; and against it--what? Hideous deceit! Oh, how he would despise
the creature! Then she winced; he would--suffer? Well, she couldn't
help that. It was the truth, and he had got to face it. She was
walking up and down, whispering to herself, a sobbing laugh on her
lips, when suddenly, as she passed the mirror, she had a dim, crazy
vision of herself that struck her motionless. A moment later she took
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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