Dr. Rumsey's patient : $b a very strange storyMeade, L. T.
General
Dr. Rumsey's patient : $b a very strange story
Meade, L. T.
Physician and patient -- Fiction
"I must make my decision once for all," he said to himself. "I am wide
awake; my whole intellectual nature is full of vigor; I have no excuse
whatever; the matter must be finally settled now. If I follow the
devil----" he shrank as the words formed themselves out of his brain; he
had naturally the utmost loathing for evil in any form, his nature was
meant to be upright; at school he had been one of the good boys; one of
the boys to whom low vices, dishonorable actions of any kind, were
simply impossible; he had had his weaknesses, for who has not?--but
these weaknesses were all more or less akin to the virtues.
"If I choose the devil!" he repeated. Once again he faltered, trembling
violently; he had come to the part of the room where his father's old
desk was situated, he leaned up against it and gazed gloomily out into
the darkness which confronted him.
"I know exactly what will happen if I follow the downward path," he said
again. "I must force myself to think wrong right, and right wrong. There
is no possible way for me to live this life of deception except by
deceiving myself. Must I decide to-night?"
He staggered into the chair which his father used to occupy. His father
had been a man full of rectitude; the doom of the house had never
overtaken him; he had been a man with an almost too severe and lofty
code of honor. Awdrey remembered all about his father as he sat in that
chair. He sprang again to his feet.
"There is no use in putting off the hour, for the hour has come," he
thought. "This is the state of the case. God and the devil are with me
to-night. I cannot lie in the presence of such awful, such potent
Forces. I must face the thing as it is. This is what has happened to me.
I, who would not willingly in my sober senses, hurt the smallest insect
that crawls on the earth, once, nearly six years ago, in a sudden moment
of passion killed a man. He attacked me, and I defended myself. I killed
him in self-defence. I no more meant to kill him than I mean to commit
murder to-night. Notwithstanding that fact I did it. Doubtless the
action came over me as a tremendous shock--immediately after the deed
the doom of my house fell on me, and I forgot all about what I myself
had done--for five years the memory of it never returned to me. Now I
know all about it. At the present moment another man is suffering in my
stead. Now if I follow the devil I shall be a brute and a scoundrel; the
other man will go on suffering, and his mother, whose heart is already
broken, may die before he recovers his liberty. Thus I shall practically
kill two lives. No one will know--no one will guess that I am leading a
shadowed life. I feel strong enough now to cover up the deed, to hide
away the remorse. I feel not the least doubt that I shall be outwardly
successful--the respect of my fellow-men will follow me--the love of
many will be given to me. By and by I may have children, and they will
love me as I loved my father, and Margaret will look up to me and
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account