Paul Derinzy's was not the only perturbed spirit in the Principal
Registrar's room of the Stannaries Office. To his own extreme
astonishment, George Wainwright found that his equable spirits and calm
philosophic temperament had entirely deserted him, and that he had
become silent, moody, and, he was afraid, sometimes irritable. He knew
perfectly the cause of this change, and did not attempt to disguise
it from himself. He knew that he was suffering from that malady which
sooner or later attacks us all, and which, like many other maladies, is
more safely got over and disposed of when it comes upon us in youth.
That period had passed with George Wainwright. He shook his head rather
grimly as he surveyed in the glass the brown crisp hair, already
beginning to be sprinkled with gray, and the lines round the mouth and
eyes, which seemed to have increased at such a confoundedly quick rate
lately; and he did not attempt to fight with the malady. He seemed to
confess that he could make no head against it, and that his best plan
was to succumb to its force, and let it do with him as it would.
"It has come to me somewhat late in life, and I suppose it is the
worse on that account," said honest old George to himself; "but I see
plainly there is no use in attempting to resist it, and that mine may
be looked upon as a settled case. Strange, too, how it has all come
about that my going down into Devonshire to rescue Paul from a scrape
should have been the cause of my falling into one myself, and into a
far more helpless one than that out of which he wanted my help. He has,
at all events, the resources of hope. Time may soften the parental
anger; and even if it does not, he can afford to set it at defiance, so
far as Annette is concerned; while as for Daisy, as he calls her, if
he chooses to ignore conventionality, and what the world will think,
and Mrs. Grundy will say--and it doesn't seem to me to be a very hard
task to do that, though harder perhaps for a dashing young fellow like
him than a middle-aged hermit like myself--he may marry the girl, and,
like the people in the story-books, live happy ever after. But my
look-out is very different. I have examined mine own heart. God knows,
with as much strict search as I could bring to bear upon it, and I
feel that, so far as Annette is concerned, I am irretrievably---- And
I never thought I could love anyone at all in this kind of way. I am
perfectly certain that I shall never love anyone else; and therein lies
the utter hopelessness of the case. I buoy myself up with the belief
that this darling child is, I may almost say, attached to me--that she
feels for me what in another person would be affection and attachment.
She says that I understand her better than anyone else; and that
she is happier in my society than in that of any other person. What
more could the wisest among us say to show their preference? And yet
the hopelessness, the utter hopelessness! That conversation with my
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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