Paul Derinzy had indeed little reason to be satisfied with the
treatment which he was experiencing at Daisy's hands; for though there
had been nothing approaching to a final rupture between them, the
new views of life which had opened upon her since her acquaintance
with Colonel Orpington had afforded her a vast amount of matter for
reflection. Of course the idea of the position which the Colonel had
offered to her was by no means new to the girl's mind. Unhappily, too,
the existence of such a position is unknown to a very small minority
of innocents; and according to the present constitution of society,
such a status is, it is to be feared, regarded by young women in
Daisy's walk of life as one rather to be envied than shunned. But up to
this time--perhaps partly owing to the severe training which she had
received, which had had the effect of making her regard propriety as a
sound commercial investment rather than as a duty to her conscience,
partly to a real affection which she felt for Paul--she had resolutely
refused to entertain any such ideas.
What had changed her? Not any diminution in the affection between
her and her lover--not on his part, at least; for no man who did not
worship her with all the depth of passion possible in his nature
could have suffered so acutely as he did. Had she ceased to love him?
No, she thought not; she could scarcely tell--the position was so
unsatisfactory; that was all she could say to herself in thinking the
matter over. She had not the least doubt that Paul would willingly make
her such an offer as that which she had received from the Colonel; but
then their circumstances were so different. Though Paul was undoubtedly
a gentleman well connected, he was decidedly not rich, she knew that,
or he would never have been content to remain in this office which he
talked about; and to be rich, free from care, to have command of money
and servants and dresses and carriages, that was what her mind was
bent on just now. Then Paul would marry her too if she were to press
it, she knew that; but what would be the benefit by their marriage?
He would gain no more money; she would gain merely the name of a
position. She would not be received into his society; and he, finding
she was ignored, would either break with his own people and cleave to
her, when he would be sulky and bored, always regarding her as the bar
to his assumption of his proper status in society; or would give her
up, and lead his life among his friends, merely treating her as his
housekeeper, and his home as a place to return to when there was no
other house to visit.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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