I listened as in a spell as Jacob Settle spoke. There was something so
far away in the tone of his voice—something so dreamy and mystic in the
eyes that looked as if through me at some spirit beyond—something so
lofty in his very diction and in such marked contrast to his workworn
clothes and his poor surroundings that I wondered if the whole thing
were not a dream.
We were both silent for a long time. I kept looking at the man before
me in growing wonderment. Now that his confession had been made, his
soul, which had been crushed to the very earth, seemed to leap back
again to uprightness with some resilient force. I suppose I ought to
have been horrified with his story, but, strange to say, I was not. It
certainly is not pleasant to be made the recipient of the confidence of
a murderer, but this poor fellow seemed to have had, not only so much
provocation, but so much self-denying purpose in his deed of blood that
I did not feel called upon to pass judgment upon him. My purpose was to
comfort, so I spoke out with what calmness I could, for my heart was
beating fast and heavily:
“You need not despair, Jacob Settle. God is very good, and His mercy is
great. Live on and work on in the hope that some day you may feel that
you have atoned for the past.” Here I paused, for I could see that
deep, natural sleep this time, was creeping upon him. “Go to sleep,” I
said; “I shall watch with you here and we shall have no more evil
dreams tonight.”
He made an effort to pull himself together, and answered:
“I don’t know how to thank you for your goodness to me this night, but
I think you had best leave me now. I’ll try and sleep this out; I feel
a weight off my mind since I have told you all. If there’s anything of
the man left in me, I must try and fight out life alone.”
“I’ll go tonight, as you wish it,” I said; “but take my advice, and do
not live in such a solitary way. Go among men and women; live among
them. Share their joys and sorrows, and it will help you to forget.
This solitude will make you melancholy mad.”
“I will!” he answered, half unconsciously, for sleep was overmastering
him.
I turned to go, and he looked after me. When I had touched the latch I
dropped it, and, coming back to the bed, held out my hand. He grasped
it with both his as he rose to a sitting posture, and I said my
goodnight, trying to cheer him:
“Heart, man, heart! There is work in the world for you to do, Jacob
Settle. You can wear those white robes yet and pass through that gate
of steel!”
Then I left him.
A week after I found his cottage deserted, and on asking at the works
was told that he had “gone north”, no one exactly knew whither.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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