And then she thought of that ghastly comparison of himself to the
ancient German singer--the poor clerk of the Chronicle of
Limburg--whose sweet songs were sung and whistled from morning to
night all through Germany; while the _Minnesinger_ himself, smitten
with leprosy, hooded and cloaked, and carrying the lazarus-clapper,
moved through the shuddering city. God's satire weighed heavily upon
him, indeed. Silently she held out her hand, and he gave her his
bloodless fingers; she touched the strangely satin skin, and felt the
fever beneath.
"It cannot be my little Lucy," he said reproachfully. "She used to
kiss me. But even Lucy's kiss cannot thrill my paralyzed lips."
She stooped and kissed his lips. His little beard felt soft and weak
as the hair of a baby.
"Ah, I have made my peace with the world and with God. Now He sends me
His death-angel."
She struggled with the lump in her throat. "You must be indeed a prey
to illusions, if you mistake an Englishwoman for Azrael."
"_Ach_, why was I so bitter against England? I was only once in
England, years ago. I knew nobody, and London seemed so full of fog
and Englishmen. Now England has avenged herself beautifully. She sends
me you. Others too mount the hundred and five steps. I am an annexe to
the Paris Exhibition. Remains of Heinrich Heine. A very pilgrimage of
the royal _demi-monde_! A Russian princess brings the hateful odor of
her pipe," he said with scornful satisfaction, "an Italian princess
babbles of _her_ aches and pains, as if in competition with mine. But
the gold medal would fall to _my_ nerves, I am convinced, if they were
on view at the Exhibition. No, no, don't cry; I meant you to laugh.
Don't think of me as you see me now; pretend to me I am as you first
knew me. But how fine and beautiful _you_ have grown; even to my
fraction of an eye, which sees the sunlight as through black gauze.
Fancy little Lucy has a husband; a husband--and the poodle still takes
three baths a day. Are you happy, darling? are you happy?"
She nodded. It seemed a sacrilege to claim happiness.
"_Das ist schön!_ Yes, you were always so merry. God be thanked! How
refreshing to find one woman with a heart, and that her husband's.
Here the women have a metronome under their corsets, which beats time,
but not music. _Himmel!_ What a whiff of my youth you bring me! Does
the sea still roll green at the end of Boulogue pier, and do the
sea-gulls fly? while I lie here, a Parisian Prometheus, chained to my
bed-post. Ah, had I only the bliss of a rock with the sky above me!
But I must not complain; for six years before I moved here I had
nothing but a ceiling to defy. Now my balcony gives sideways on the
Champs-Elysées, and sometimes I dare to lie outside on a sofa and peer
at beautiful, beautiful Paris, as she sends up her soul in sparkling
fountains, and incarnates herself in pretty women, who trip along like
dance music. Look!"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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