Bildungsromans; Psychological fiction; Young women -- Fiction
‘That’s right. Poor Judy covered with snow! There you sit, so modest and
unassuming. Shall I get you home alive?’
‘I don’t care.’
She slipped her arm through his, and he gave it a quick friendly
pressure and drove on.
Now they were before the gates of College. After all they had not driven
very far. Time started again with a reluctant painful beat as the car
crept in under the archway; and she realized that it was little more
than an hour since they had left Martin. It seemed so short now--less
than a moment; a pause between a breath and another breath.
They sat side by side in the car without moving.
‘I suppose I must go in now,’ she said at last. ‘They’ll still be at
Hall.’
He shivered and beat his hands together. She took one and felt it, and
it was icy.
‘Your hands. Oh, Roddy! Will you come in and get warm by my fire?’
He seemed to be considering and then said in a stilted way:
‘If I may--just for a minute--I’ve got rather chilled driving without
gloves.’
She could find nothing to say. A cold shy politeness had descended on
them both. She led the way into the hall and up the stairs. At every
step snow fell off them: their shoulders and arms were covered in it.
The corridors were silent and deserted, echoing only her light
footsteps, and his heavier ones. She heard her tread, and his following
after it, marching, marching towards her far-off door. Judith was
bringing Roddy, Judith was in sober truth bringing Roddy to her room. If
anyone saw her there would be trouble.
Somebody--Jennifer perhaps--must have drawn the curtains and heaped the
fire in the little room. The warmth drew out the smell of the
chrysanthemums; and their heavy golden heads, massed in a blue jar, held
mysterious intensity of life in the firelight. She switched on the
reading lamp, and all the colours in the room leapt up dimly, secretly:
purple, blue and rose-colour glowed around them, half-lit, half
obscured.
‘This is rather seductive,’ he said. He sank on his knees by the fire
and held out his hands to the blaze, looking about him with a faint
smile. She came and knelt beside him; and his eyes fastened narrowly on
her face.
‘It’s like you: seductive,’ he said softly.
‘Oh, Roddy! Seductive. That’s all it is. I see it now. I hate it. Am _I_
nothing more than that?’
‘You.... I don’t know what you are. I can’t make you out. You _never_
behave as I think you probably will.’
‘I’m glad of that.’
‘Why are you glad?’
‘Because I believe you ascribe to me the worst motives,--the most
ambiguous. You suspect me--you guard yourself against me.’
‘I don’t, Judy.’
‘Ah, you do. But you needn’t. I won’t do you any harm. Unless
being--very fond of you can do you harm. But I don’t think I’m a _femme
fatale_.’
‘I don’t know what you are. You disturb me very much. You seem to me
completely incalculable. Your eyes watch me and watch me. Such
marvellous eyes.’
She lifted them to his in a long steady look and remained silent.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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