Bildungsromans; Psychological fiction; Young women -- Fiction
‘Oh, wrestling’s glorious,’ said Judith. ‘I love it. Jennifer’s tried to
teach me. But I’m not strong enough for her; the--the--Manners girl is
much more of a match for her.’
Mabel pursed up her mouth and was silent.
It was necessary to leave her quickly for fear of striking her; because
her deliberate intent was obvious; because she knew quite well now that
you had never before heard of Miss Manners; because you were seeing
that girl plainly, tall, dark and splendid, striding on the lawn with
Jennifer, grasping her in strong arms, a match for her in all
magnificent unfeminine physical ways, as you had never been. Her image
was all at once there, ineffaceably presenting itself as the embodiment
of all hitherto unco-ordinated and formless fears, the symbol for
change, and dark alarms and confusions. And the unbearable image of
Mabel was there too, watching by herself, gloating down from the window
with glistening eyes that said:
‘At last!’
She stopped short in the corridor, and moaned aloud, aghast at the
crowding panic of her thoughts.
* * * * *
Judith, returning from her bath, heard voices and laughter late at night
behind Jennifer’s door. Should she stop? All the circle must be there as
usual, laughing and talking as if nothing were amiss. She alone had
excluded herself, sitting with a pile of books in her room, pretending
to have important work. It was her own fault. She had said she was busy,
and they had believed her and not invited her to join their gathering.
She would go in, and sit among them and smoke, and tell them
things,--tell them something to make them laugh; and all would be as
before. They would drift away in the end and leave her behind; she would
turn and look at Jennifer in the firelight, put out a hand and say:
‘Jennifer....’
She opened the door and looked in.
The voices stopped, cut off sharply.
In the strange, charged, ensuing silence, she saw that the curtains were
flung back. Purple-black night pressed up against the windows, and one
pane framed the blank white globe of the full moon. They were all lying
on the floor. Dark forms, pallid, moon-touched faces and hands were
dimly distinguishable; a few cigarette points burned in the faint
hanging cloud of smoke across the room. The fire was almost out. Where
was Jennifer?
‘Hullo, there’s Judith,’ said one.
‘Is there room for me?’ said Judith in a small voice. She came in softly
among them all, and went directly over to the window and sat on the
floor, with the moon behind her head. She was conscious of her own
unnatural precision and economy of movement; of her long slender body
wrapped in its kimono crossing the room in three light steps, sinking
noiselessly down in its place and at once remaining motionless,
expectant.
Where was Jennifer?
‘All in the dark,’ she said, in the same soft voice. And then: ‘What a
moon! Don’t you know it’s very dangerous to let it shine on you like
this? It will make you mad.’
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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