Bildungsromans; Psychological fiction; Young women -- Fiction
‘As I told you, there are a great many people here who love her. That
makes a difference, doesn’t it? People have to love Jennifer.’ She
buried her face in her hands, and thought aloud, in a sort of whisper:
‘People have to love her and then she seems cruel. But she doesn’t mean
to be. There’s something about her--people don’t seem to be able to love
her clearly and serenely: they have to love her too much. Everything
gets dark and confused and aching, and they want to--touch her and be
the only one near her; they want to look after her and give her
everything she wants. It’s tiring. And then when they’re tired she gives
them back life. She pours life into them from herself.’
She stopped short, seeing in a flash how it had always been between
herself and Jennifer. Tired, you had come again and again to her,
pressing close to be replenished from her vitality. But Jennifer had not
drunk life from you in return: quietness and tenderness and
understanding, but not life. And the quietness had passed
into sadness--yes, you knew now you had seen it happening
sometimes,--sadness, flatness: the virtue had gone out of her in the
incessant giving of herself, the incessant taking on of an alien
quietness. You had wanted too much, you had worn her out. Perhaps after
all you had been unlucky to Jennifer, committed that crime of trying to
possess her separateness,--craved more than even she could give without
destroying herself. So in the end she had gone to someone more wholesome
for her nature. Perhaps after all the balance had been sorely
ill-adjusted: she your creator, you her destroyer. Perhaps she should be
surrendered to Geraldine now, ungrudgingly. She said, looking up at
Geraldine:
‘I daresay you make her very happy.’
Geraldine said, answering Judith’s gaze unwaveringly:
‘Yes, we are very happy together. Absolutely happy.’
‘She is a good companion, isn’t she?’
‘Oh yes,’ she said, her heavy lips lifting in a faint curious smile.
What was in her voice?--insolence?--triumph?--malice?--an obscure
challenge? She seemed to be implying that she knew things about Jennifer
of which you had no knowledge. She was a terrible woman.
Judith could find no words, and the other continued:
‘She’s starting to find herself. It’s very interesting. Of course
nobody’s understood her here.’
‘And you think you do?’
‘I do, yes.’
‘Oh, but I’d never dare say that about a person I loved! You might seem
to touch everywhere and all the time be strangers.’ Judith clasped her
hands and spoke urgently:
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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