Bildungsromans; Psychological fiction; Young women -- Fiction
From early morning till late at night the desperate meek untidy heads of
girls were bowed over tables in the library, their faces when they
lifted them were feverish and blurred with work.
Pages rustled; pencils whispered; squeaking shoes tiptoed in and out.
Somebody tapped out a dreary tune on her teeth; somebody had a running
cold; somebody giggled beneath her breath; somebody sighed and sighed.
Outside, in the sunshine, tennis racquets struck vibrantly. Long ago,
you also had played tennis in May.
Mabel had a fortification of dictionaries around her corner; whenever
you looked up she caught your eye and smiled weakly from a hollow and
twisted face. Mabel had wished evil to Jennifer. But that was so long
ago it had ceased to matter.
‘Mabel, you’ve worked four hours on end. Come to lunch now.’
‘No, thank you, Judith. I feel I don’t want any lunch. I’d rather go
straight on and perhaps have a cup of tea later.’
‘Mabel, you’re to come with me.’
She came. But as often as not she laid down her fork after one mouthful
and sat and stared in front of her; then crept back to the library.
The copper bowl was filled this term with golden tulips or with dark
brown wallflowers.
Where was Jennifer?
* * * * *
Examination week. The sky was fiercely blue all day; the air breathless,
heavy. To walk into the town was to walk into a steam bath, where
footsteps moved ever more languidly, and the dogs lay panting on the
pavement, and the clocks seemed to collect themselves with a vast effort
for their chiming.
This week there was nothing in your mind save the machine which obeyed
you smoothly, turning out dates and biographies, contrasting,
discussing, theorizing.
Judith walked in a dream among the pale examination faces that flowed to
their doom. Already at nine o’clock the heat struck up from the streets,
rolled downwards from the roofs. By midday it would be extremely
unpleasant in Cambridge.
This was the great examination hall. Girls were filing in, each carrying
a glass of water, and searching in a sort of panic for her place. Here
was a white ticket labelled Earle, J. So Judith Earle really was
expected, an integral part of this grotesque organized unreality. No
hope now.
The bench was hard. Beside her sat a kind broad cow-like creature with
sandy hair and lashes. Her ruminative and prominent eyes shed pity and
encouragement. She was a good omen.
All over the room girls’ heads turned, nodding and winking at friends,
whispering, giggling and grimacing with desperate bravery. One simulated
suicide by leaning her bosom on her fountain pen.
Just behind sat Mabel. Her face was glistening and ghastly, and she
sniffed at a bottle of smelling salts.
‘Mabel, are you going to faint?’
‘No, I don’t think so. I generally feel faintlike first thing in the
morning. I’ll get better later.’
‘Mabel, you’re not fit--you mustn’t----’
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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