Bildungsromans; Psychological fiction; Young women -- Fiction
They were so charming, so gentle, so sensitive and intelligent:
fascinating creatures: how fascinating she had never troubled to realize
and would never know now. To all, save Jennifer, that had offered
itself, she had turned an unheeding ear, a blind eye. And so much that
might have been of enduring value had offered itself: so many possible
interests and opportunities had been neglected.
There had been that girl the first year who, from the pinnacle of her
third-year eminence, had stooped, blushing and timid, with her
invitation to an evening alone. Frail temples, narrow exquisite bone of
cheek and jaw, clear little face with lips whose composure seemed the
result of a vast nervous effort, so still were they, so nearly
quivering, so vulnerable; eyes with a sad liquid brilliance in their
steadfast gaze; small head with smooth brown hair parted in the middle;
narrow hands folded in her lap; she had sat, the most important scholar
in the College, like a shadow, a moth, a bird, listening, questioning,
listening again.
She was a poet. She never showed her verses, but to you she promised to
show them. She had a mind of such immaculate clarity that you feared to
touch it: yet she was offering it to you, all that evening.
It had come to nothing after all. She had retired very soon, shrinking
from Jennifer as if she were afraid.
There had been the girl with the torturing love affair that had gone
wrong. One night she had suddenly spoken of it, telling you all. You had
lingered by her with a little tenderness and pity and then passed on.
She had said, “You won’t tell Jennifer, will you?”
There had been the girl who drew portraits and who had wanted you for a
model. There had been the silent girl who read “The Book of the Dead”
night after night in her room, who was studying, so it was whispered, to
raise the devil and who looked at you with a secret smile, half malice,
half something else; there had been that most beautiful young girl in
the first year, with her cold angelic face and shining silver-fair hair;
all those and countless others had offered themselves. There had been
Martin ignored and neglected because he disliked Jennifer. And there had
been books, far more books in far more libraries: and new poetry, new
music, new plays,--a hundred intellectual diversions which you had but
brushed against or missed altogether by secluding yourself within the
limits of an unprofitable dream.
She said at last:
‘Oh yes. It means something. I don’t know yet how much. I’m afraid now
I’ve missed a lot.’
They were all silent, and she thought with nervous dread that they were
all thinking of Jennifer.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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