Bildungsromans; Psychological fiction; Young women -- Fiction
‘Yes.’ She held out her hands to him, giving him her sweet, small smile
of the lips. He pulled her up on to her feet and they started to walk
away.
‘I’ll come and find you,’ called Judith. ‘I want to bathe too.’
Martin turned eagerly.
‘There are one or two pools somewhere down this way,’ he said. ‘Will you
follow us?’
‘Yes.’
‘Good.’
He waved and she waved back; and they were lost round the corner.
Julian lay down in the shade of an elder bush, lit another cigarette,
and looked at Judith with bright appraising eyes.
‘Well, Judith?’ he said, and smiled. And as of old the smile
transfigured the whole harsh face with beauty.
‘Well, Julian? What have you been doing with yourself?’
‘Nothing, nothing.’
‘You’re happier than you were last time I saw you.’
‘What makes you say that?’
She hesitated.
‘Your--acting is much more natural.’
He laughed and made a face at her.
‘Doesn’t my elegant and elaborate window-dressing dazzle you? Well,
never mind. It never did, did it? And I never minded. You’re the only
woman I’ve never been able to deceive to whom I have remained
consistently attached.’
‘Are there many you’ve been able to deceive, Julian?’
He paused.
‘There are some who have loved me,’ he said. ‘So they must have been
deceived.’
‘You think if they hadn’t been they couldn’t have loved you?’
He nodded.
‘Ah, I don’t believe that. Nor do you.’ She sighed. ‘It’s a thing I
never would have believed ... how one can go on loving a person one
knows to be--cruel and selfish and indifferent.’
Whom did she have in mind,--she wondered as she said it. That was not
Jennifer, surely: surely not Roddy?
‘Not,’ she added quickly, ‘that you’re any of those things. I can’t
allow you the satisfaction of thinking so.’
‘I’m all of them,’ he said:
‘_ ... bloody,
Luxurious, avaricious, false, deceitful,
Sudden, malicious, smacking of every sin
That has a name...._
And that reminds me, Judy, I hear you acquitted yourself with supreme
distinction in your tripos. I’m very glad--very proud to know you.’
‘It hasn’t given me much satisfaction.’
‘Now, now! Less of that.’
‘Oh, it’s true. I’m not being modest.’ She turned away from him and
said: ‘I worked very very hard. I thought of nothing but work, because I
didn’t have anything else--particularly pleasant--to think about. One
doesn’t much value that sort of success.’
There was a silence.
‘And I suppose,’ said Julian, ‘that’s all I’m to be told about it.’
She shrugged her shoulders.
‘Oh, there’s nothing,’ she said. ‘Just that.’
‘Nobody ever will confide in me,’ he complained. ‘I don’t know why. I’m
quite madly interested--especially in love affairs. I suppose my face
puts them off.’
She laughed.... No, nobody would confide in Julian. He would be too
clear-sighted, too scientifically interested, too cold and reasonable.
He would give such good advice and so much of it. People only wanted a
muddle-headed outpouring of sympathy.
He went on:
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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