Bildungsromans; Psychological fiction; Young women -- Fiction
‘This is the third time I’ve come to find you. Where on earth have you
been? I was afraid you’d locked yourself into the lavatory to cry or
something.’
‘I’ve been....’ Judith laughed happily. ‘I’ve been with something
awful.’
‘What?’
‘It’s called Mabel Fuller.’
‘My God! Fuller. Has she pounced on you already? She tried me this
morning. It’s a funny thing,--she makes straight for the pretty ones.
That sounds as if I meant I was pretty.’
‘So you are.’
‘I only meant I wasn’t so hideous as her and you’re lovely. She’s a
vampire-bat. D’you know, I found out something: she’s twenty-seven at
least. Think of it! I was rude to her. I suppose you weren’t. I should
say you were much more well-bred than me.’
‘I wondered if she wasn’t a _tiny_ bit pathetic?’
‘God, no! What an idea! She hasn’t a notion how revolting she is. She
actually prattled about dress to me,--wondering how she’d look in a
jumper like mine. As if anything but an Invisible Cloak would improve
her. I can’t stand people who spit when they talk.’
‘I do wonder,’ pondered Judith, ‘how people like that get produced from
quite normal parents. It must be the working-out of some ancient and
fearful curse.’
‘She’s an ancient and fearful curse anyway,’ said Jennifer gloomily.
‘I’ll tell you another thing. I believe she’s got sex-repression.’ She
stared impressively at Judith; then broke into loud whistling. ‘Have you
got a cigarette? Never mind.... I’ve just learnt to blow smoke-rings.
I’ll teach you.’ More whistling. ‘It’s terrible to be so swayed by
appearances. I’m afraid it’s a sign of a weak character. Ugly people
rouse all Hell’s devils in me. And beautiful ones make me feel like the
morning stars singing together. I want beauty, beauty, beauty.... Don’t
you? Lovely people round me, lovely stuffs, lovely colours--lashions and
lashions of gorgeous things to touch and taste and look at and smell.’
She flung her head back on its round white throat and took a deep
sighing breath. ‘O colours!... I could eat them. I’m awfully sensuous--I
look it, don’t you think? Or do I mean sensual? I always get them
muddled; but I know it’s unladylike to be one of them. I say--why didn’t
you speak to me after Hall?’
‘Oh, how could I? You had people all round you. I passed your room, and
there were dozens of girls in it.’
‘Oh yes! Creatures I was at school with. I had a year in Paris after I
left school. I think it developed me. I feel so much more mature than my
contemporaries. I used to hunt at Chantilly. Have you ever done that?...
They were all talking about you.’
‘I heard them say I had such a haughty expression. I haven’t, have I?’
‘Of course not. That’s women all over. I wonder if men are really nicer?
I suppose you’re not engaged?’
‘Oh no!’
‘Nor am I. I don’t suppose I shall ever marry. I’m too tall,--six foot
in my stockings. It’s awful, because I’m sure I shall always be falling
in love myself--and I’m terrified of getting repressions. Are you in
love?’
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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