Bildungsromans; Psychological fiction; Young women -- Fiction
Silence fell. She looked up at the dark and starless sky; then at him
still adjusting lamps, his head averted.
What were they about, parting in anger? How far indeed they were from
the other world to mistrust and misunderstand so obstinately they had to
quarrel!
Her heart misgave her suddenly at sight of the great building looming
above her: there was no security in it, no kindness. Supposing when she
went back Jennifer’s room were empty, and Jennifer, utterly weary of
her, had taken the chance to escape, and were even now knocking at
strangers’ doors, sure of her welcome?... How quickly without that form,
that voice, all would crumble and dissolve and be but a lightless
confusion! She should never have left the places where Martin stood by
her side, listening, watching, waiting everywhere to wrap her in safety.
She said softly:
‘Martin, when’s Roddy coming to see you?’
‘He was here,’ said Martin, ‘a week or two ago. Staying with Tony
Baring,’ he added. And then again: ‘Only for a night or two.’
Then finally trying in great embarrassment to soothe the pain which,
even to his ears, cried out terribly in the silence and could not find
words to cover it:
‘I scarcely saw him myself. He was very busy--so many people to see.
He’ll be up again soon, I expect and then we must have a party.’
‘Oh yes, Martin.... You know, it’s very naughty of him. He said he’d
come and see me.’
Her voice was thin and cheerful.
‘He’s very forgetful,’ said Martin helplessly.
‘I suppose,’ she suggested lightly, ‘he forgot even to ask after me.’
‘Oh no, he asked after you. I’m sure he did.’
She laughed.
‘Well I must go in.... Tell him when you write to him.... No, don’t tell
him anything. But, Martin, you must come and see me sometimes, please,
_please_,--in this hateful place. I feel I shall lose you all again.
You know mother’s going to live abroad for a year or two? So I shan’t be
there in the summer, next door. It’s awful. She let the house without
telling me. What shall I do without it? Please come and see me. Or
listen, I tell you what: it doesn’t seem to work somehow, your coming
here. I can’t talk to you and I feel I don’t know you; but when the days
get longer we’ll go for a long walk together, miles and miles. Shall we?
Remember!’
‘Rather!’
He was happy again.
She called after him:
‘And, Martin, I’m sorry I was cross.’
‘My fault,’ came his ringing cheerful voice; and his engine started and
he departed with a roar and a rush.
Alone in the dark she stood still and contemplated the appalling image
of Roddy risen up again, mockingly asserting that only he was real; that
his power to give himself or withhold himself was as the power of life
and death.
It was urgent, now, to find Jennifer quickly. She was in her room, lying
on the floor, staring at the flicker of firelight over her yellow velvet
frock.
‘Oh, Jennifer!’
Judith sank down beside her, burying her face in her lap.
‘Darling.’
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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