Bildungsromans; Psychological fiction; Young women -- Fiction
‘One more cigarette,’ she suggested.
‘Well, just one.’
Jennifer let down her hair and brushed it out, holding it along her arm,
watching it shimmer in the fire-light with an engrossed stare, as if she
never could believe it was part of her.
* * * * *
Always Jennifer. It was impossible to drink up enough of her; and a day
without her was a day with the light gone.
Jennifer coming into a room and pausing on the threshold, head up, eyes
wide open, darting round, dissatisfied until they found you. That was an
ever fresh spring of secret happiness. Jennifer lifting you in her arms
and carrying you upstairs, because she said you looked tired and were
such a baby and too lovely anyway to walk upstairs like other people.
Jennifer basking in popularity, drawing them all to her with a smile and
a turn of the head, doing no work, breaking every rule, threatened with
disgrace, plunged in despair; emerging the next moment new-bathed in
radiance, oblivious of storm and stress.
Jennifer dispensing her hospitality with prodigal and careless ease,
recklessly generous in public and in secret, flashing the glow of her
magnetism suddenly into unlit and neglected lives, allowing them to get
warm for a little, and then light-heartedly forgetting them. But never
forgetting Judith--or not for long; and coming back always to sit with
her alone, and drop all masks and love her silently, watchfully with her
eyes.
Jennifer singing Neapolitan folk-songs to a be-ribboned guitar. Where
she had picked up the airs, the language, the grace and fascination of
her manner, no one knew. But when she sat by the window with bright
streamers falling over her lap, singing low to her soft accompaniment,
then, each time, everyone fell madly in love with her.
Jennifer chattering most when she was tired, or depressed, her words
tripping over each other, her absurd wit sparkling, her laugh frequent
and excited: so silent, so still when she was happy that she seemed
hypnotized, her whole consciousness suspended to allow the happiness to
flow in.
Jennifer looking shattered, tortured after a few hours spent by mistake
over coachings and time-papers in stuffy rooms; starting up in the end
with a muttered: “O God, this place!...” wrenching open the door and
rushing downstairs, oblivious of all but the urgency of her mood. From
the window you could see her in the grounds, running, running. Soon the
trees hid her. She was tramping over the ploughed fields, her cheeks
glowing, her hair like a light against the dark hedges. She was going,
alone, tensely, over the long fields. What was she thinking of? She had
her evasions. No good to ask her: her eyes would fly off, hiding from
you. She would not let herself be known entirely.
By Judith’s shadowy side ran the hurrying flame of Jennifer; and from
all that might give her pause, or cloud her for a moment Jennifer fled
as if she were afraid.
The lonely midnight clouded her. Jennifer was afraid of the dark.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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