American fiction -- 19th century; Dime novels; Popular literature
retired and lay with my baby in my arms, thinking of what I had done. I
thought of my dead mother and her early teachings—of the words she used
to love and repeat from the sacred book, and the earnestness with which
she used to impress their meaning upon me, and the horror and guilt of
the step I was contemplating overwhelmed me. My baby awoke at midnight,
and would not be coaxed to sleep again; so, lighting the candle, I lay
there and watched her play, and talk, and coo in her charming little
way. Every now and then she would stop, look around the room as if she
knew she was in a strange place, and then glance up at me with great
serious eyes that seemed to question my conduct and reproach my
rashness. I thought of my husband, who, though he had been hasty and
somewhat cruel in his reproaches, was yet a good, true man. I pictured
the despair he would feel when he should return and find his wife and
child gone, his home desolate, his name dishonored, and all the horror
of my rash act rushed with overwhelming force upon me. I threw myself
upon my knees beside my bed and wept out my repentance there, resolving
that early morning should find me returning like the prodigal to my
home. I acted upon that resolve, first dispatching a note to Louis
telling him of my resolution, and entreating him not to come to me
again, nor seek to hold any communication with me.
“I reached home at noon the next day, but my husband had already
discovered my flight. I suppose I might have told him some story—that I
had only been to visit a friend in my loneliness, or something of that
kind, and he might have accepted it; but I did not; I went to him and
confessed the whole, imploring his pardon, and swearing fidelity for the
future. I think if he could have had time to think it over and consider
the matter, he would have acted differently; but his heart was already
too sore to bear more, and his naturally fierce temper swept all reason
before it. He took my baby from my arms and bade me ‘go,’ refusing to
believe I had not flown _with_ Louis instead of to him. I prayed him to
leave my child, my beautiful, blue-eyed, fair-haired Editha, but he told
me I was not a fit mother to rear a child, and he refused me even the
comfort of a parting caress. He said hard, cruel things to me in that
fit of passion—words that broke my heart, seared my brain, and drove me
nearly crazed from the sight of every familiar face. I never saw him
again—I never heard aught of him for long, long years. After I had
recovered somewhat from the first shock of my wild grief I began to
reason with myself. I knew I had sinned deeply—I had committed a great
wrong in marrying one man when my heart was another’s, even though I
believed that other dead, and I had enhanced that wrong a hundred fold
in yielding to Louis’ persuasions and consenting to fly with him. True,
I had repented before it was too late to turn back, but it was a bitter
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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