New York (N.Y.) -- Fiction; Romans à clef; Spouses -- Fiction; Women novelists -- Fiction
I was tired, and out of my weariness I demanded: “Why do we all hang
together, do you suppose? Are we afraid to be alone? Tell me, Eva:
are you afraid of loneliness because of what you might dig out of the
bottom of your heart?” At the moment I might have been wound up, like a
watch spring, and bound to go on until I ran down.
She gave me a perfunctory smile. “Cheer up,” she said carelessly;
“you’ve no troubles.” After a moment of apprehension, however, she
added hastily: “But don’t tell them, anyway. I’m not equal to hearing
troubles.” She began tapping her foot on the floor: tap, tap, tap. I
felt like shrieking. “Besides, do you know that there was something
indecent in what you said? Don’t let a tendency to rawness get the
better of you, Dinah. It’s of the crystalline purity of unspoken
thoughts that art is made.”
I relapsed into helpless laughter. “Eva, you are perfectly delicious,
and unexpected, and so provoking that I often wonder how a man can live
with you without blowing his brains out!”
She became brusque. “I’m in no mood for that sort of thing. You should
know it without my telling you.” Her attention, in short, could not be
diverted from whatever had taken place between herself and Nicholas,
with, superimposed, what was now taking place in the room. For that the
Onion Party was being directed against her we could no longer doubt.
The opera star, swimming in her path, paused long enough to say: “Why
not move around and show yourself, Miss Litchfield?”
Eva looked questioningly at her. I felt a surge of anger at the woman:
Eva had the resilient faith of a child who does not look for a blow.
The singer continued, speaking kindly: “There’s Florence Quincy,
thinking of herself as a blonde planet and waiting for adulation. Go
and catch an orbit around the planet and make her happy.”
I swore that I hated females. The opera star swam on, through the
firmament of stars, and collided with the Theatre Guild. I said aloud:
“Don’t mind, Eva!”
It occurred to Eva--and devastated her--that she had never faced the
question of how much sincerity there might be in these people, her
friends. Did they ever give whole-hearted praise to each other? Did
they--by her sudden pallor I knew that her heart skipped a beat--did
they believe in her? What, behind her back, did they say of her and
of her work? Never before had she speculated along this line. But
the atmosphere of the large room filled with women who were by now
stripped of the rags of convention, and their jibes, had shaken her.
For a ghastly moment, she wondered if this party would undermine her
faith in herself. Instantly, she answered her own query: “No! No, never
that! Without my faith in myself--without the knowledge of what I can
do--there would be no Eva Litchfield.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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