Eben Holden: A Tale of the North CountryBacheller, Irving
General
Eben Holden: A Tale of the North Country
Bacheller, Irving
Farm life -- Fiction; Historical fiction; New York (State) -- Fiction
The other boarder was a rather frail man with an easy cough and a
confidential manner, he wrote the 'Obituaries of Distinguished Persons'
for one of the daily papers. Somebody had told him once, his head
resembled that of Washington. He had never forgotten it, as I have
reason to remember. His mind lived ever among the dead. His tongue was
pickled in maxims; his heart sunk in the brine of recollection; his
humour not less unconscious and familiar than that of an epitaph; his
name was Lemuel Framdin Force. To the public of his native city he had
introduced Webster one fourth of July--a perennial topic of his lighter
moments.
I fell an easy victim to the obituary editor that first evening in the
chalet. We had risen from the table and he came and held me a moment
by the coat lapel. He released my collar, when he felt sure of me, and
began tapping my chest with his forefinger to drive home his point. I
stood for quite an hour out of sheer politeness. By that time he had me
forced to the wall--a God's mercy, for there I got some sense of relief
in the legs. His gestures, in imitation of the great Webster, put my
head in some peril. Meanwhile he continued drumming upon my chest.
I looked longingly at the empty chairs. I tried to cut him off with
applause that should be condusive and satisfying, but with no success.
It had only a stimulating effect. I felt somehow like a cheap hired man
badly overworked. I had lost all connection. I looked, and smiled, and
nodded, and exclaimed, and heard nothing. I began to plan a method of
escape. McClingan--the great and good Waxy McClingan--came out of his
room presently and saw my plight.
'What is this?' he asked, interrupting, 'a serial stawry?
Getting no answer he called my name, and when Force had paused he came
near.
'In the sixth chapter and fifth verse of Proverbs,' said he, 'it is
written:
“Deliver thyself as a roe from the hand of the hunter and as a bird from
the hand of the fowler.” Deliver thyself, Brower.
I did so, ducking under Force's arm and hastening to my chamber.
'Ye have a brawling, busy tongue, man,' I heard McClingan saying. 'By
the Lord! ye should know a dull tongue is sharper than a serpent's
tooth.
'You are a meddlesome fellow,' said Force.
'If I were you,' said McClingan, 'I would go and get for myself the long
ear of an ass and empty my memory into it every day. Try it, man. Give
it your confidence exclusively. Believe me, my dear Force, you would win
golden opinions.
'It would be better than addressing an ear of wax,' said Force,
hurriedly withdrawing to his own room.
This answer made McClingan angry.
'Better an ear of wax than a brain of putty,' he called after him.
'Blessed is he that hath no ears when a fool's tongue is busy,' and then
strode up and down the floor, muttering ominously.
I came out of my room shortly, and then he motioned me aside.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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