Editorials from the Hearst NewspapersBrisbane, Arthur
Philosophy
Editorials from the Hearst Newspapers
Brisbane, Arthur
Editorials; Essays
You must know from common observation that in babyhood the head
is big out of all proportion to the rest of the body.
A baby one year old has in its brain alone at least one-third of
all the blood in its body.
THE BIGGER AND MORE ACTIVE THE BRAIN the more blood is required
to nourish it, and THE MORE THE REST OF THE BODY SUFFERS.
A baby luckily born may combine a good brain and a fat body. But
such luck is very rare.
Nine times out of ten the best baby MENTALLY is the
poorest-looking baby PHYSICALLY.
We have told you in this column about the pathetic babyhood of
the great Voltaire. Had he been in the foundling asylum during
the recent selection of babies, he would surely be among the
despised and rejected. Yet what a glory to have picked out and
raised the wonderful Voltaire!
Voltaire, whose name as a baby was Arouet, was the thinnest and
most nervous of babies. He had a disease very much like rickets;
he cried night and day, and there was little hope of keeping him
alive.
Pitt, the great British Prime Minister, was as sick and skinny a
baby as was ever seen. Pope, when a baby, would not have seemed
worth keeping alive to anybody but a loving mother.
We advise the women who have spurned the two thin babies in the
asylum to take another look at them. They may be the best two
babies in the entire lot.
A BABY CAN EDUCATE A MAN
If you will read Drummond's beautiful work "The Ascent of Man,"
you will learn that we owe to children the good that is in us.
It is the child that educates the father and mother.
If you are a solemn bachelor, gradually drying up in your selfish
life, try having a baby around for a while.
Get a despised thin one from the asylum. Get some good, kind old
woman to take care of it. Give the woman and the baby the
quietest room in your house or flat, and then watch the
improvement in your character.
You can feed the baby for the cost of one or two cocktails daily.
Your health will improve if you give up the cocktails, and watch
the effect of their substitute, milk, on the little child.
When you get up in the morning, if the hour is early, you will
find the old woman giving the baby its bath. The poor, little
thin thing will wriggle joyously in the warm water, once it gets
used to the daily bathing. Its head will be soaped first, then
sponged. It will be dried with a warm towel, and you can hit the
tin bathtub with your keys to keep it from crying while its
clothes are put on.
Hold the baby for a while each morning, letting its head rest on
your shoulder that its neck may not be strained. (This will give
the nurse a chance to prepare the bottle that follows the bath.)
It will get used to you after a few mornings. The first time it
shows affection for you, you will be the proudest man in your
office.
If asked to take a cocktail you will say:
"No, thank you. My cocktail money is spent to make a thin baby
fat."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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