She had bright and sunny rooms in Sulyarde Terrace, and on fine days she
was still able to spend a few hours out of doors, reclining in an
invalid chair; sometimes also she could sit up in her chair for an hour
or two, and at this time, when her food was duly prepared, she was still
able to feed herself. Her sister Lucy, Mrs. Casson, with husband and
many children, resided at Torquay; and she found here, also, a kind
brother-in-law, unremitting in his attentions, and numerous young
nephews and nieces, whom she knew and loved. In January 1874 Levy died.
Father, mother, and sister; house and home and health had been taken
from Bessie; and now the faithful servant and friend of her whole life
followed. She had put great constraint upon herself at the time of her
sister's illness and death, but she was powerless against this blow.
Deep depression settled down upon her, which took the form of constant
self-reproach. She, the most unselfish and considerate of women, was
given over, as it were, to an avenging spirit, which upbraided her with
faults never committed, and exacted expiation for imaginary crimes of
selfishness and self-seeking. Such dark passages may be borne in mind by
other sufferers, tortured with self-questionings and doubt.
The first thing to rouse her was the desire to say some words to the
blind men and women on whose behalf Mr. Levy had worked for so many
years. As soon as she had somewhat recovered, she wrote perhaps the most
touching record we have of her work, her hope, her sorrow, and her
submission.
2 SULYARDE TERRACE, TORQUAY, _10th February 1874_.
MY DEAR FRIENDS--I feel that both you and I have had a very great
loss indeed, and my heart yearns to say to you that you do not know
how grieved I am for you; you know full well what the loss is to
yourselves, but you can hardly tell what it is to me; you cannot
know how he who is now taken and I have worked together with the
self-same end of helping you, and now I am left, deprived of all
the help that your dear and true friend gave me, and it is
impossible for me to tell you how deeply I feel the loss.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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