_GENTLE Reader, I could willingly be content that thou shouldest neither be at cost to buy this booke, nor at the labour to reade it. It is not my ambition to bee a man in Print, thus euery Tearm_; Ad prælum, tanquàm ad prælium; _Wee should come to the Presse as we come to the Field (seldome). This Tree of_ Guls _was planted long since, but not taking roote, could neuer beare till now. It hath a relish of_ Grobianisme, _and tastes very strongly of it in the beginning: the reason thereof is, that, hauing translated many Bookes of that into English Verse, and not greatly liking the Subiect, I altred the Shape, and of a Dutchman fashioned a meere Englishman. It is a Table wherein are drawne sundry Pictures: the cullors are fresh; if they be well laid on, I think my workmanship well bestowed: if ill, so much the better, because I draw the pictures onely of_ Guls. T. D. / THE GULS HORN-BOOKE: OR _Fashions to please all sorts of Guls._ _Prooemium_. I sing (like the cuckooe in June) to bee laught at: if therefore I make a scuruy noise, and that my tunes sound vnmusically (the Ditty being altogether lame in respect of the bad feete, and vnhansome in regard of the worme-eaten fashion) you that haue authority vnder the broad seale of mouldy custom, to be called the _gentle Audience_, set your goodly great hands to my pardon: or else, because I scorne to be vpbraided that I professe to instruct others in an Art, whereof I my selfe am ignorant, Doe your worst: chuse whether you will let my notes haue you by the eares, or no: hisse or giue plaudities, I care not a nut-shell which of either: you can neither shake our _Comick Theater_ with your stinking breath of hisses, nor raise it with the thunder-claps of your hands: vp it goes, _in dispetto del fato_. Ye motley is bought, and a coat with foure elbowes (for any one that will weare it) is put to making, in defiance of the seuen wise maisters: for I haue smelt out of the musty sheetes of an olde Almanacke, that (at one time or other) euen he that iets vpon the neatest and sprucest leather, euen he that talkes all _Adage_ and _Apothegme_, euen he that will not haue a wrinckle in his new Sattein suit, though his mind be vglier then his face, and his face so illfauouredly made, that he lookes at all times as if a tooth-drawer were fumbling about his gommes with a / thousand lame _Heteroclites_ more, that cozen the world with a guilt spur and a ruffled boote; will be all glad to fit themselues in _Will Sommer_ his wardrob, and be driuen (like a Flemish Hoy in foule weather) to slip into our Schoole, and take out a lesson. Tush, _Coelum petimus stultitiâ_, all that are chosen Constables for their wit go not to heauen.