Sound an Allarum therefore (O thou my couragious Muse) and, like a Dutch cryer, make proclamation with thy Drum: the effect of thine O-_yes_ being, That if any man, woman or child, be he Lord, be he Lowne, be he Courtier, be he Carter of ye Innes of Court, or Innes of Citty, that, hating from the bottome of his heart, all good manners and generous education, is really in loue, or rather doates on that excellent country lady, _Innocent Simplicity_, being the first, fairest, and chiefest Chamber-maide that our great _grandame Eue_ entertained into seruice: Or if any person aforesaid, longing to make a voyage in the Ship of Fooles, would venture all the wit that his mother left him, to liue in the country of _Guls_, _cockneyes_, and _coxcombs_; to the intent that, ha[=u]ting _theaters_, he may sit there, like a popiniay, onely to learne play-speeches, which afterward may furnish ye necessity of his bare knowledge, to maintaine table talke, or else, beating _tauernes_, desires to take the _Bacchanalian_ degrees, and to write himselfe _in arte bibendi magister_; that at ordinaries would sit like Biasse, and in the streets walk like a braggart, that on foote longs to goe like a French Lacque, and on horsebacke rides like an English Tailor, or that from seuen yeares and vpward, till his dying day, has a monethes mind to haue ye _Guls Hornebooke_ by hearte; by which in time he may be promoted to serue any Lord in _Europe_, as his crafty foole, or his bawdy Jester, yea and to be so deere to his Lordship, as for the excellency of his fooling, to be admitted both to ride in Coach with him, and to lie at his very feete on a truckle-bed. Let all such (and I hope the world has not left her olde fashions, but there are ten thousand such) repaire hither. Neuer knocke (you that striue to be Ninny-hammer), but with your feete spurne open the doore, and enter into our Schoole: you shall not neede to buy bookes, no, scorne to distinguish a B from a battle doore; onely looke that your eares be long enough to reach our _Rudiments_, and you are made for euer. It is by heart that I would haue you con my lessons, and therefore be sure to haue most deuouring stomaches. Nor be you terrified with an opinion, that our _rules_ be hard and indigestible, or that you shall neuer be good _Graduates_ in these rare sciences of _Barbarisme_, and Idiotisme. Oh fie, vppon any man that carries that vngodly minde! Tush, tush; _Tarleton_, _Kemp_, nor _Singer_, nor all the litter of Fooles that now come drawling behinde them, neuer played the clownes more naturally then the arrantest Sot of you all shall if hee will but boyle my Instructions in his braine-pan.