A gentleman who had made a fortune abroad, returned in advanced life, like many other such persons, to tell long stories at home. Sensible of a natural weakness he possessed of exaggerating every thing he spoke of, he kept a sober Scotch servant, who was instructed to touch his shoulder whenever his fault began to be observable. One day he told a story of a fox which he had seen at Grenada with a tail ten feet long. The man touched his shoulder. “Well,” said he, “I am sure I speak within the mark, when I say the tail was _eight_ feet.” Still David touched his shoulder. “Well, at least _six_ feet.” Still a touch. “Well, _three_.” Still another touch, until, provoked at last by the servant’s incredulity--“What the devil!” says he, turning about, “would you have the fox to have had no tail at all!” THE BROOM-SELLER. Bacon was wont to commend much the saying of an old man at Buxton, who sold brooms. A young spendthrift came to him for a broom upon trust, to whom the old man said--“Friend, hast thou no money? borrow of thy back and of thy belly; they’ll never ask thee for it: I shall be dunning thee every day. A SAILOR’S EXPLANATION. A stranger, passing St. Paul’s cathedral, asked a sailor whom he met, what figures those were at the west front, to which it was answered, “The twelve apostles.” “How can that be,” inquired the stranger, “when there are but six of them?” “Damn your eyes!” said the tar, “would you have them all on deck at once!” MAKING SURE. During the Protestant riots of 1780, most persons in London, in order to save their houses from being burnt or pulled down, wrote on their doors, “No Popery!” Old Grimaldi, the mimic, to avoid all mistakes, wrote on his, “No Religion.” OLD, BUT NOT TO BE TIRED ON. A traveller, coming into the kitchen of an inn on a very cold night, stood so close to the fire that he burned his boots. A little boy, who sat in the chimney corner, cried out to him, “Take care, sir, or you will burn your spurs.” “My boots you mean, I suppose,” said the traveller. “O no, sir,” replied the arch rogue, “_they be burnt already_.” ANOTHER. One poor beau told another that his new coat was too short for him. “True,” answered he of the short skirts: “I assure you, however, it will be _long enough_ before I get another.” LOCALITY OF FEELING. A melting sermon being preached in a country church, all wept except one man, who was asked why he did not weep with the rest. “Oh!” said he, “I belong to another parish.” CONSOLATION. A gentleman, lying on his death-bed, called his coachman, who had been an old servant, and said--“Ah, Tom! I am going a long and rugged journey, worse than ever you drove me.” “Oh, dear sir,” replied Tom, “don’t let that discourage you; it is all down hill.” HOLE _versus_ DARN.