Mr. Tierney once observed of this noble and learned lord, who was much given to swearing and parsimony, that he was a rigid disciplinarian in his religion, for that in his house it was _passion week in the parlour, and lent in the kitchen, all the year round_. HIGH BOOTS. A gentleman complaining to his bootmaker that a pair of boots recently sent were too short, and that he wanted a pair to cover the whole calf, had the following _jeu d’esprit_ sent to him:---- These boots were never made for me, They are too short by half; I want them long enough, d’ye see, To cover all the calf. Why, sir, said Last, with stifled smile, To alter them I’ll try; But if they _cover all the calf_, They must be _five feet high_. PLAGIARISM. A celebrated divine, who had prided himself upon his originality, and who would reject his best thought if he imagined it was traceable to any previous author, was startled one day by a friend coolly telling him that every word of his favourite discourse was stolen from a book he had at home. The astonished writer, staggered by his friend’s earnestness, begged for a sight of this volume. He was, however, released from his misery by the other smilingly announcing the work in question to be “Johnson’s Dictionary,” where, continued his tormentor, “I undertake to find every word of your discourse.” HE PREFERRED RAIN. After listening to Bushfield Ferrand’s fervid appeal at New Malton, a shrewd Yorkshire farmer was asked what he thought of the speech? His reply was, simply, “Why, I don’t know, but I think six hours’ rain would ha’ done us a deal more good!” THE RAKE’S PROGRESS. A captain of a vessel loading coal, went into a merchant’s counting-house, and requested the loan of a rake. The merchant, looking towards his clerks, replied--“I have a number of them, but none, I believe, wish to be hauled over the coals.” BATTLE OF CAMPERDOWN.