An old clergyman was in the habit, as soon as he got into the pulpit, of placing his sermon in a crevice under the cushion, where he left it during the singing of the accustomed psalm. One Sunday he pushed the sermon-book too for into the crevice, and lost it. When the psalm was concluded, he called the clerk to bring him a Bible. The clerk, somewhat astonished at this unusual request, brought him a Bible as he was desired. The clergyman opened it, and thus addressed his congregation--“My brethren, I have LOST MY SERMON; but I will read you a chapter in Job WORTH TEN OF IT.” PAINTING IN BUTTER. In a club the other day, sat two gentlemen, one of whom has attained fame upon canvas, the other upon paper. He of the pencil was remarkably complimentary to him of the pen--so much so indeed, that the latter at length, with a good-natured laugh exclaimed, “Why, my good fellow, you really show the versatility of your genius in the most striking light: you prove that you can paint not only in oil, but--in butter!” A WITTY AUCTIONEER. An auctioneer replied to a person who was importuning him for the remaining change of a pound note, “You must wait with patience till your change come.” The auctioneer now mentioned, who is remarkable for the boldness of his wit, said to a young jackanapes who was pestering him during the sale, “that he had read of one ass only that spoke, but he now heard another.” THUNDER. An itinerant lecturer on Natural Philosophy, and who for some time delivered his prelections in this city, when describing the nature of thunder and the striking phenomena which attend it, gave vent to his alarmed feelings in the following words, “And the repercussant intumescences augment the awful roar.” MR. SERJEANT BETTESWORTH. The following lines on Serjeant Bettesworth, which Swift inserted in one of his poems, gave rise to a violent resentment on the part of the barrister:---- “So at the bar the booby Bettesworth, Though half-a-crown o’erpays his sweat’s worth, Who knows in law nor text nor margent, Calls Singleton _his brother serjeant_.”