English Jests and Anecdotes, Collected from Various SourcesVarious
General
English Jests and Anecdotes, Collected from Various Sources
Various
Anecdotes -- England; English wit and humor
There is but one instance on record of James II. uttering an expression
of wit or humour, and, strange to say, that would appear to have been
expressed from him by the weight of his sorrows at the Revolution.
During the advance of the Prince of Orange towards London, as, morning
after morning, some leading man or other was found to have left the
king’s camp during the night, and gone over to the Liberator, the
Prince of Denmark used to exclaim, as each successive instance was
related to his majesty, “Est il possible?” (Is it possible?) as if he
could not believe there was so much treachery in human nature. At
length, the good Prince of Denmark found it necessary, with his wife
Anne, to follow the example of those well-principled persons: James
remarked, when told of it in the morning, “What! is Est-il-possible
gone too!”
PROOF.
A woman, suspected of having given poison to her husband, was
apprehended by the constable. The man certainly looked very ill; yet,
as there was no direct proof, and as, above all things, he had not
died, there was some probability in her favour. Mr. Constable was sadly
puzzled between the pro and con; and was at last fairly driven from the
field by the following appeal from the weeping lady:--“I never gave him
any thing to hurt him: only _open_ him, and you will see how false it
is!”
DR. FRIEND.
Dr. Friend, coming home after having got himself highly praised at
a dinner party, was called out to see a lady taken dangerously ill.
With some difficulty he went, or rather was led, to the bedside of
the patient; where, holding fast by a bed-post with one hand, he
seized with the other the lady’s wrist; but all attempts to note the
pulsations were vain, and he could only mumble out, “Drunk, by Jove!
Drunk!” “Oh, madam,” cried the waiting-maid, as soon as the physician
was gone, “what a wonderful man! How soon he discovered what was the
matter with you!”
SIR RICHARD JEBB.
This eminent physician was a man of impatient, irritable temper, and,
when bored with the querulous complaints of some of his patients,
could hardly ever force himself to return a civil answer. Sometimes
his irritability led him to explode in a furious anathema, mingled
with horrible oaths; sometimes he assumed a tone of quiet but severe
sarcasm. A troublesome patient, who only fancied himself ill, pestered
him one day with inquiries as to what he should eat. “My directions on
that point,” said Sir Richard, “will be few and simple: You must not
eat the shovel, poker, or tongs, for they are hard of digestion; nor
the bellows, for they are windy; but _any thing else you please_!”
BEST UPPER LEATHER.
The following _sound_ advice occurs in an almanack:--“If you wish to
have a shoe of durable materials, you should make the upper leather of
the mouth of a hard drinker; for that never lets in water.”
DÆDALUS.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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