Authors, English -- 20th century -- Biography; Blackwood, Algernon, 1869-1951
Every nerve in me became alert. Truth to tell, there was no emotion
in me of any sort or kind. I was numb, exhausted to the bone. I lay
still and stared at him. He looked sleek and even prosperous. He looked
gorged with food. His face was a little swollen. The big blue eyes were
clear. He let the eyeglass fall, gazing at me, while a smile broke over
his face. I was so glad to see him, so relieved to have him back, that,
though no emotion beyond that of suspense ended was in me, I felt, as
once before with the doctor, a lump rise in my throat. His bloated
expression distressed me vaguely. At first he said nothing, but walked
across the room on tiptoe, as though pretending I was asleep and he
feared to wake me.
My tongue loosened suddenly. The very words I have not forgotten. A
matter that had not lain in my mind for days came uppermost:
“Did you send off the overcoat to Kay?”
He nodded, but without looking at me. It was a lie, I knew. My eyes
followed him round, as he began to undress. For several minutes I said
nothing. Then other words came to me:
“I’ve been alone four days and nights.”
Silence.
“Without food--or anybody.”
Silence, but he turned his back to me.
“Without money.”
Silence. He stood quite motionless.
“I might have died. I might have gone crazy.”
Silence.
“It’s been awful--the loneliness and wondering----”
He half turned, but instantly turned back again. No sound escaped him.
“I’ve been thinking about you--and wondering day and night. Are you
really married? Pauline’s been here--this afternoon.”
His silence was broken by a sort of gulp, and he bent over. My mistake
about the date of the woman’s visit was intentional--I thought it might
open his lips; I did not correct it. He half turned to look at me, but
again instantly hid his face as before. Then he abruptly sat down on
the sofa, leaning against the back, his head in his hands. I raised
myself in bed, never taking my eyes off him.
“I got your telegrams. Have you nothing to say? No explanation? Have
you brought any food, any money? You have had money--all this time.”
Silence, broken only by another gulp.
“I saw you take the money out of the drawer. I said nothing because I
thought you were going to get me things. I _trusted_ you.”
He turned all at once and faced me, though keeping his eyes always
steadily on the floor. The tears were streaming down his face like rain.
“Are you tired?” I asked. “You’d better lie down and go to sleep. You
can talk to-morrow.”
It was this that finished him. He had reached the breaking point.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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