By-and-by the child himself is brought down by his nurse, and the
company begin to rail upon him, upbraiding him for his impertinence,
and asking him what amends he proposes to make for the wrong that he
has committed, and how he can look for care and nourishment from those
who have perhaps already been injured by the unborn on some ten or
twelve occasions; for they say of people with large families, that they
have suffered terrible injuries from the unborn; till at last, when
this has been carried far enough, some one suggests the formula, which
is brought out and solemnly read to the child by the family
straightener. This gentleman is always invited on these occasions, for
the very fact of intrusion into a peaceful family shows a depravity on
the part of the child which requires his professional services.
On being teased by the reading and tweaked by the nurse, the child will
commonly begin to cry, which is reckoned a good sign, as showing a
consciousness of guilt. He is thereon asked, Does he assent to the
formula? on which, as he still continues crying and can obviously make
no answer, some one of the friends comes forward and undertakes to sign
the document on his behalf, feeling sure (so he says) that the child
would do it if he only knew how, and that he will release the present
signer from his engagement on arriving at maturity. The friend then
inscribes the signature of the child at the foot of the parchment,
which is held to bind the child as much as though he had signed it
himself.
Even this, however, does not fully content them, for they feel a little
uneasy until they have got the child’s own signature after all. So when
he is about fourteen, these good people partly bribe him by promises of
greater liberty and good things, and partly intimidate him through
their great power of making themselves actively unpleasant to him, so
that though there is a show of freedom made, there is really none; they
also use the offices of the teachers in the Colleges of Unreason, till
at last, in one way or another, they take very good care that he shall
sign the paper by which he professes to have been a free agent in
coming into the world, and to take all the responsibility of having
done so on to his own shoulders. And yet, though this document is
obviously the most important which any one can sign in his whole life,
they will have him do so at an age when neither they nor the law will
for many a year allow any one else to bind him to the smallest
obligation, no matter how righteously he may owe it, because they hold
him too young to know what he is about, and do not consider it fair
that he should commit himself to anything that may prejudice him in
after years.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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