A blue, singing moment under the water and they were up, swimming slowly
into the unbroken sheet of the sea. Rachel came nearer to him, the water
sparkling from her moving arms.
"Do you like it, Erik?"
He laughed in answer. Her head was turned toward him and he could see
her dark eyes smiling against the water.
"Wouldn't it be nice," she said softly, "to swim out together like
lovers in a poem? Out and out! And never come back!"
Her voice, slipping across the water, became unfamiliar. They continued
moving.
"Yes," he answered at length, smiling back at her. "It would be easy.
And I'm willing."
They swam in silence. He began to wonder. Were they going out and out
and never coming back? Perhaps they were doing that. One might become
involved in a suicide like that. He closed his eyes and his head moved
through the coldness of the water. What matter? What was there to come
back to? All hours were the same. He might wait until a thousand more
had dragged themselves to an ending. Or swim out and out. When he grew
tired he would kiss her and say, "It is easier to make our own endings
than to wait for them." The sun would be shining and her eyes would sing
to him for an instant over the water.
"We'd better turn now, Erik."
"No," he smiled. "We're lovers in a poem."
She came nearer.
"Come, we must go back, Erik."
"No."
He answered firmly. It pleased him to say "no." He felt a superiority.
He could say "no" and then she would plead with him and perhaps finally
persuade him.
"Not now, Erik. Some other time, maybe...."
"But it would be a proper ending," he argued. "What else is there? You
are unhappy. And perhaps I am too. Come, it will be easy."
For a moment a fright came into him. She was not pleading. She was
silent and looking at him as they drifted. What if she should remain
silent? "I don't want to die," he thought, "but does it matter?" He
wondered at himself. He had spoken of dying. Sincerely? No. But if she
remained silent they would keep swimming until there was nothing left to
do but die. Then he was sincere? No. He would drown as a sort of casual
argument. Good God! Her silence was asking his life. What matter? He
cared neither to live nor to die. He looked at her with an amused smile
in his eyes. His heart had begun to beat violently.
A sudden relief. She had turned and was swimming toward the shore. He
hesitated. Absurd to turn back too hurriedly. He waited till she looked
behind her to see if he were coming. Her looking back was a vindication.
She had believed then that he might go on, out and out.... He could
follow her to the shore now....
The swim had exhausted them. Rachel threw herself on the sand, Dorn
covering her with the blanket. They lay together, the whiteness and the
blaze of the sky tearing at their eyes. Her hair had spread itself like
a black fan under her head.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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