He ceased to lead, as he formerly was wont to do, the opinions and
pursuits of his neighbours. They had always bowed to his criticisms, his
logic, his lectures; but criticism, logic, and lectures were now silent.
He would sit in the chair of dignity hour after hour, and utter no word:
sometimes, however, he would appear to shake off, with a painful
struggle, the feelings which oppressed him, and would break out suddenly
into flashes of a broad but irresistible humour, which Burns, in his
brightest moments, could not have surpassed; and then he would relapse
again into gloom and taciturnity. But his mind, thus kept in a state of
continual agitation and excitement, was sinking fast beneath it. The
girl, too, whom he loved, was wretched through his refinement of
passion. She believed herself slighted, and her coldness aggravated his
torments. This could not last! It did not.
One day he did not make his appearance in the village. One of his
friends, going to his cottage, found the door fastened; and, upon
calling, received no answer. The neighbourhood became alarmed; and
several of his acquaintance searched in vain for him. He was not by the
stream, where he often sat in solitude till the noxious dew fell round
him; nor in the grove, where he used to listen to the nightingales till
fancy filled up the pauses in their songs; nor by the window, where he
would stand and gaze unconsciously till the sight of that dear face
drove him from the scene of enchantment. At last they forced open his
door; I entered with them. The poor youth was sitting at his
writing-table, in his old patron’s armchair; the pen seemed to have just
fallen from his hand; the ink on its nib was hardly dry; but he was
quite still, quite silent, quite cold.
His last thoughts seemed to have been spent upon the stanzas which were
on the table before him. I will transcribe them, rather as an
illustration of his story than as a specimen of his talents. Some of the
lines gave rise to a conjecture that he had been the author of his own
death, but nothing appeared to warrant the suspicion.
I have a devil in my brain!--
He haunts me when I sleep,
And points his finger at my ρain,
And will not let me weep:
And ever, as he hears me groan,
He says the cause is all my own.
I shall be calm anon!--I had
A pleasant dream of bliss;
And now they tell me I am mad--
Why should I mourn for this?
My good, kind parents! Answer ye,
For what I am, and am to be.
Alas! I have forgotten, dear,
The pledging and the vow;
There is a falsehood in my tear,
I do not love thee now:
Or how could I endure to go,
And look, and laugh, and leave thee so?
Thou shall not come to my caress,
Thou shalt not bear my name;
Nor sorrow in my wretchedness,
Nor wither in my shame;
Mine is the misery and the moan,
And I will die--but die alone!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account