From the balcony of his room, across red roofs stained here and there
with the green of lichen, he could just glimpse the clouds glowing
in the sunset light. And nearer at hand, along the eaves of the roof
opposite, the white stone-crop blossomed, its tiny flowerets nourishing
their life upon the moist earthy sediment washed down by the rain from
the sun-baked clay tiles and deposited in the guttering. In summer,
pigeons flew down from the neighbouring belfry to bill and coo upon the
roof, picking the seeds of the stone-crop at its edge, while the dark
swifts skimmed through the air above. Sometimes cats crept stealthily
with sinuous movement across the tiles. Upon this roof too his eyes had
often rested; the little wild garden in the gutter, the pigeons, the
swifts, the cats, these too belonged to him and at the same time to the
world; and often while he had held them in his gaze his mind had been
intent upon his innermost thoughts.
He shut himself up there in his study, like an oyster in its shell. He
untethered his mind, letting it roam at will, without spur or bridle.
For a time it wandered up and down, plucking at passing ideas, ranging
over the backs of the books and divining famous names and titles of
renown. Then it collected itself and withdrew into the body that it
animated and made use of, and presently the arm of this body reached
out for a sheet of paper and the eyes glanced over it.
It was the strident manifesto that had been so much talked about; it
was the famous composition into which he, he himself, who was now
sitting at ease in his cow-hide arm-chair, had emptied his spirit. He
began to read it, and as he read it a strange disquiet invaded him. No,
that was not his, that was not what he had thought and believed, that
was not what he had written. And yet there could be no doubt about it.
That, that which now seemed so strange to him, he had written that, and
it had increased his fame. He read it over again.
No, we do not communicate what we want to communicate, he reflected.
No sooner does a thought incarnate itself in words and issue forth
into the world than it belongs to someone not ourself, or rather it
belongs to nobody because it belongs to everybody. The flesh with which
language clothes itself is communal and external; it wizens up thought,
it imprisons it and even reverses and falsifies it.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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