The absolute and complete certainty, on the one hand, that death is a
complete, definite, irrevocable annihilation of personal consciousness,
a certainty of the same order as the certainty that the three angles
of a triangle are equal to two right angles, or, on the other hand,
the absolute and complete certainty that our personal consciousness
is prolonged beyond death in these or those conditions, including
withal the extraneous and adventitious addition of eternal rewards
and punishments--both of these certainties would equally make life
impossible for us. In the most secret chamber of the spirit of him
who believes himself convinced that death puts an end to his personal
consciousness, his memory, for ever, there lurks a shadow, all unknown
to him perhaps, a vague shadow, a shadow of a shadow of uncertainty,
and while he says within himself: “Well, let us live this passing life,
for there is no other!” the silence of this secret chamber speaks to
him and murmurs: “Who knows!...” He may not think he hears it, but he
hears it. And likewise in some secret place of the soul of the believer
who most firmly holds the faith in future life, there is a muffled
voice, a voice of uncertainty, which whispers in the ear of his spirit:
“Who knows!...” These voices are like the humming of a mosquito when
the gale roars through the trees in the wood; we cannot distinguish
this faint humming, nevertheless, merged in the clamour of the storm,
it reaches the ear. Otherwise, without this uncertainty, how could we
live?
“Is there?” “Is there not?”--these are the bases of our inner life.
There may be a rationalist who has never wavered in his conviction of
the mortality of the soul, and there may be a vitalist who has never
wavered in his faith in immortality; but at the most this would only
prove that just as there are monsters, so there are people who are
affectively and feelingly stupid, however much intelligence they may
have, and people who are intellectually stupid, however great their
virtue may be. But in normal cases I cannot believe those who assure
me that never, not even for a moment, not in the hours of greatest
loneliness and tribulation, has this murmur of uncertainty breathed
upon their consciousness. I do not understand the men who tell me that
the prospect of the yonder side of death has never tormented them, that
the thought of their own annihilation never disquiets them. For my part
I do not wish to make peace between my heart and my head, between my
faith and my reason--I wish rather that there should be war between
them.
* * * * *
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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