NOTE.--Mark Twain’s biographer rediscovered it in 1913. It is some
miles below Valence, opposite the village of Beauchastel.
SOME NATIONAL STUPIDITIES
(1891-1892)
The slowness of one section of the world about adopting the valuable
ideas of another section of it is a curious thing and unaccountable.
This form of stupidity is confined to no community, to no nation; it is
universal. The fact is the human race is not only slow about borrowing
valuable ideas--it sometimes persists in not borrowing them at all.
Take the German stove, for instance--the huge white porcelain monument
that towers toward the ceiling in the corner of the room, solemn,
unsympathetic, and suggestive of death and the grave--where can you find
it outside of the German countries? I am sure I have never seen it where
German was not the language of the region. Yet it is by long odds the
best stove and the most convenient and economical that has yet been
invented.[5]
To the uninstructed stranger it promises nothing; but he will soon find
that it is a masterly performer, for all that. It has a little bit of a
door which you couldn’t get your head into--a door which seems foolishly
out of proportion to the rest of the edifice; yet the door is right, for
it is not necessary that bulky fuel shall enter it. Small-sized fuel is
used, and marvelously little of that. The door opens into a tiny cavern
which would not hold more fuel than a baby could fetch in its arms. The
process of firing is quick and simple. At half past seven on a cold
morning the servant brings a small basketful of slender pine sticks--say
a modified armful--and puts half of these in, lights them with a match,
and closes the door. They burn out in ten or twelve minutes. He then
puts in the rest and _locks_ the door, and carries off the key. The work
is done. He will not come again until next morning. All day long and
until past midnight all parts of the room will be delightfully warm and
comfortable, and there will be no headaches and no sense of closeness or
oppression. In an American room, whether heated by steam, hot water, or
open fires, the neighborhood of the register or the fireplace is
warmest--the heat is not equally diffused through the room; but in a
German room one is as comfortable in one part of it as in another.
Nothing is gained or lost by being near the stove. Its surface is not
hot; you can put your hand on it anywhere and not get burnt. Consider
these things. One firing is enough for the day; the cost is next to
nothing; the heat produced is the same all day, instead of too hot and
too cold by turns; one may absorb himself in his business in peace; he
does not need to feel any anxieties or solicitudes about his fire; his
whole day is a realized dream of bodily comfort.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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