Virginia -- History -- Civil War, 1861-1865 -- Fiction
All this set Kilgariff thinking, and the thinking was by no means
comfortable. Did Evelyn’s course mean indifference on her part? It
would have given him some pain to believe that, but it would have
relieved him greatly. In that case, he might go away and never come
back, without fear of any harm to her or any wrong-doing on his own
account. In that case, the problem that so sorely vexed him would be
completely solved.
Certainly that was the outcome of the matter which he was bound to
hope for. Yet the very suggestion that such might be the end of it all
distressed him more than he had thought that any possible solution of
the difficulty could do.
But, in fact, Owen Kilgariff knew better. When he recalled what
had gone before, he could not doubt the interpretation of Evelyn’s
avoidance of him, and this thought troubled him even more than the
other. It brought back to him all the perplexities of that problem with
which he had been so hopelessly wrestling ever since that morning at
the stables.
What should he do? What could he do? These questions were insistent,
and he could give no answer to them. At one moment his old thought of
a parity of disability came back to him—the thought that as she was
the daughter of a gambling adventurer, the obligation on his part not
to seek her love or win it might not be altogether binding. But then
flashed into his mind a memory of her words:—
“He was not my father.”
That excuse, then, no longer availed him. He could no longer—and yet,
and yet. The more he thought, the more difficult he found it to accept
the hopelessness of the case or make up his mind to take himself out of
Evelyn’s life. Yet that, he confidently believed, he would instantly do
if he could satisfy himself that it was not already too late for Evelyn
herself to welcome such an outcome.
One morning he opened his mind to Dorothy on the subject, and got a
moral castigation for his pains. The gear that had restrained his
movements had been completely removed by that time, and Kilgariff was
contemplating an almost immediate return to his post on the lines at
Petersburg.
“I am sorely troubled, Dorothy,” he began. “I am going away two or
three days hence, and I wish I could go without seeing Evelyn again.”
“Oh, I can easily manage that,” answered she, with a composure and a
commonplaceness of tone which seemed inscrutable to her companion. She
took his remark quite as a matter of course, treating it as she might
had he merely said:—
“I should like to leave my horse here.”
It was not an easy conversational situation from which to find a way
out. Obviously it was for him to make the next remark, and he could not
think what it should be. Possibly Dorothy intended that he should be
perplexed. At any rate, she manifestly did not intend to help him out
of his difficulty.
Presently he found the way out of it for himself—the only way that
Dorothy would have tolerated. That is to say, he became perfectly frank
with her.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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