Virginia -- History -- Civil War, 1861-1865 -- Fiction
Then, too, he was puzzled about the papers that Campbell had given him.
These clearly belonged to Evelyn, and his first impulse was to send
them to her and let her do what she would with them. But he remembered
that Campbell’s injunction had been, or seemed to be, to deliver the
documents into her hands only when she attained the age of twenty-one
years. Not knowing what might be in the papers, Kilgariff could not
know what or how much of harm might come to her from their premature
delivery.
It is true that he had given no promise to Campbell, and as for the
wishes of the adventurer, Kilgariff was in no way bound to respect
them, and certainly he was not disposed to do so. His sole concern in
the matter was for Evelyn’s welfare, and he could not make up his mind
what his course of conduct ought to be with respect to that. He needed
counsel very sorely, and there was only one man in all the South of
whom he could freely ask counsel. That man was Arthur Brent, who might
be still at Petersburg, or might have gone back to his laboratory work
at Wyanoke.
In either case, consultation with him seemed equally out of the
question. No confidence was to be placed in mails at that disturbed
time, and of course Kilgariff would not ask for or accept even the
sick furlough which the increasing inflammation of his neglected
wound rendered exceedingly desirable, so long as there was well-nigh
continuous fighting in progress at the front.
Altogether, Owen Kilgariff was sorely beset with puzzling uncertainty
of mind. He was in action during most of the day after the night he had
spent with Campbell, but neither weariness nor loss of sleep enabled
him to close his eyes during the following night. He lay throughout
the hours of darkness stretched upon the ground under a great chestnut
tree, weary but with wide-open eyes, staring upward at the stars that
showed through the leaves, and thinking to no purpose.
One thought occurred to him at last which caused him suddenly to sit
up, and for a moment made his heart bound.
His vigil of ceaseless thought and perplexity had taught him much of
his own soul’s condition which he had but vaguely guessed at before.
It had shown him clearly what his feeling was toward Evelyn Byrd. He
understood now, as he had not done before, that his love for the girl
was the supreme passion of his life—the limitless, all-embracing,
all-conquering impulse of a strong nature which had schooled itself
to repression and self-sacrifice. He saw clearly that all this
self-discipline—greatly as it had enabled him to endure and to make
sacrifice—had given him no strength adequate to his present need. He
had thought to conquer his passionate love; he knew now that he could
never conquer it. He had thought to put it out of his mind as a longing
for the unattainable; he knew now that it would for ever refuse to be
dismissed.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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