Ewing mechanically placed a fresh sheet before him and began again, but
he rubbed out as fast as he drew. The next morning he found the paper
foul from many erasures, and started afresh. He could see now that his
first drawing, posted in irredeemable ignominy, was not all that it
should be. It lacked the freedom of work he had done in his solitude. He
tried to conjure back that old free feeling, but the days passed and it
drew farther away. Some of the students changed places and began on
other casts. The better men went every other week into the life class.
But Ewing stayed desperately by his crouching woman. He studied her
until he loved and loathed her. The master came and went. Sometimes he
ignored Ewing. When he did notice him it was always with a fresh blow on
the sunk heart of the boy. Once he sat in his place and ran some of his
own brusque, effective lines along the figure, the lines that every
other youth in the room punctiliously imitated. They mingled with
Ewing's strokes as a driving rain mingles with a bed of flowers.
"If you'd only give up your damned little way," he complained.
"I wish you'd explain a bit," pleaded the boy.
"Old Velvet" turned to the spectacled young man. "Give him your study.
There, do it like that."
Then came the beginning of the end. He lost himself in a crawling
blindness of imitation. The old power that had made him draw without
knowing how he did it gathered its splendid garments and withdrew as
mysteriously as it had once come to possess him. He drew, but he would
no longer have recognized what he did as the work of his own hand. He
thought of Griggs, who had said, "Style?--I'd know a scrap of your stuff
if I found it in an ash barrel in Timbuctoo!"
The thought of those friendly men knowing his degradation was another
stone on the grave of his self-esteem. It was this that made him wait
when the others had gone one night, to take down that first crucified
drawing from the wall where it had remained, torn and hanging by one
tack.
"Will you give it to me?" said a voice, and, as he did not care one way
or the other, the spectacled young man put it in his portfolio.
Afterwards Ewing thought of asking him why he wanted it, but he did not
come back again. He had been advanced to the life class.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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