He took to his employment sorely against his grain; but he had now no
choice. He must either work or starve, and starvation is like a great
doctor--nobody tries it till every other remedy fails them. Bill had
been twice rich; twice a gentleman among blackguards, but always a
blackguard among gentlemen; for no wealth or acquaintance with decent
society could rub the rust of his native vulgarity off him. He was now
a common blinking sot in his forge; a drunken bully in the tap-room,
cursing and brow-beating every one as well as his wife; boasting of
how much money he had spent in his day; swaggering about the high
doings he carried on; telling stories about himself and Lord This at
the Curragh; the dinners he gave--how much they cost him, and
attempting to extort credit upon the strength of his former wealth. He
was too ignorant, however, to know that he was publishing his own
disgrace, and that it was a mean-spirited thing to be proud of what
ought to make him blush through a deal board nine inches thick.
He was one morning industriously engaged in a quarrel with his wife,
who, with a three-legged stool in her hand, appeared to mistake his
head for his own anvil; he, in the meantime, paid his addresses to her
with his leather apron, when who steps in to jog his memory about the
little agreement that was between them, but old Nick. The wife, it
seems, in spite of all her exertions to the contrary, was getting the
worst of it; and Sir Nicholas, willing to appear a gentleman of great
gallantry, thought he could not do less than take up the lady's
quarrel, particularly as Bill had laid her in a sleeping posture. Now
Satan thought this too bad; and as he felt himself under many
obligations to the sex, he determined to defend one of them on the
present occasion; so as Judy rose, he turned upon the husband, and
floored him by a clever facer.
"You unmanly villain," said he, "is this the way you treat your wife?
'Pon honour, Bill, I'll chastise you on the spot. I could not stand
by, a spectator of such ungentlemanly conduct without giving up all
claim to gallant----" Whack! the word was divided in his mouth by the
blow of a churn-staff from Judy, who no sooner saw Bill struck, than
she nailed Satan, who "fell" once more.
"What, you villain! that's for striking my husband like a murderer
behind his back," said Judy, and she suited the action to the word,
"that's for interfering between man and wife. Would you murder the
poor man before my face? eh? If _he_ bates me, you shabby dog you, who
has a better right? I'm sure it's nothing out of your pocket. Must you
have your finger in every pie?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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