To be with Sir James is, too, in itself a relief to her. With him she
need not converse unless it so pleases her; her silence will neither
surprise nor trouble him; but with all the others it would be so
different: they would claim her attention whether she willed it or
not, and to make ordinary spirited conversation just at this moment
would be impossible to her. The smile dies off her face. A sigh
replaces it.
"How well you are looking to-day!" says Scrope, lightly, thinking this
will please her. She is extremely pale, but a little hectic spot, born
of weariness and fruitless hoping against hope, betrays itself on
either cheek. His tone, if not the words, does please her, it is so
full of loving kindness.
"Am I?" she says. "I don't feel like looking well; and I am tired,
too. They say,--
'A merry heart goes all the day,
Your sad tires in a mile-a;'
I doubt mine is a sad one, I feel so worn out. Though,"--hastily, and
with a vivid flush that changes all her pallor into warmth,--"if I
were put to it, I couldn't tell you why."
"No? Do you know I have often felt like that," says Scrope,
carelessly. "It is both strange and natural. One has fits of
depression that come and go at will, and that one cannot account for;
at least, I have, frequently. But you, Clarissa, you should not know
what depression means."
"I know it to day." For the moment her courage fails her. She feels
weak; a craving for sympathy overcomes her; and, turning, she lifts
her large sorrowful eyes to his.
She would, perhaps, have spoken; but now a sense of shame and a sharp
pang that means pride come to her, and, by a supreme effort, she
conquers emotion, and lets her heavily-lashed lids fall over her
suffused eyes, as though to conceal the tell-tale drops within from
his searching gaze.
"So, you see,"--she says, with a rather artificial laugh,--"your
flattery falls through: with all this weight of imaginary woe upon my
shoulders, I can hardly be looking my best."
"Nevertheless, I shall not allow you to call my true sentiments
flattery," says Scrope: "I really meant what I said, whether you
choose to believe me or not. Yours is a
'Beauty truly blent, whose red and white
Nature's own sweet and cunning hand laid on.'"
"What a courtier you become!" she says, laughing honestly for almost
the first time to-day. It is so strange to hear James Scrope say
anything high-flown or sentimental. She is a little bit afraid that he
knows why she is sorry, yet, after all, she hardly frets over the fact
of his knowing. Dear Jim! he is always kind, and sweet, and
thoughtful! Even if he does understand, he is quite safe to look as if
he didn't. And that is always such a comfort!
And Sir James, watching her, and marking the grief upon her face,
feels a tightening at his heart, and a longing to succor her, and to
go forth--if need be--and fight for her as did the knights of old for
those they loved, until "just and mightie death, whom none can
advise," enfolded him in his arms.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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