Adoptees -- Fiction; Fathers and daughters -- Fiction
Falkner had parted with his dear adopted child under a strong excitement
of fear concerning her health. The change of air and scene restored her
so speedily, that his anxieties were of short duration. He was, however,
in no hurry to rejoin her, as he was taught to consider a temporary
separation from him as important to her convalescence.
For the first time, after many years, Falkner was alone. True, he was so
in Greece; but there he had an object. In Greece, also, it is true that
he had dwelt on the past, writing even a narrative of his actions, and
that remorse sat heavy at his heart, while he pursued this task. Yet he
went to Greece to assist in a glorious cause, and to redeem his name
from the obloquy his confession would throw on it, by his gallantry and
death. There was something animating in these reflections. Then also
disease had not attacked him, nor pain made him its prey--his sensations
were healthful--and if his reflections were melancholy and
self-condemning, yet they were attended by grandeur, and even by
sublimity, the result of the danger that surrounded him, and the courage
with which he met it.
Now he was left alone--broken in health--dashed in spirit; consenting to
live--wishing to live for Elizabeth's sake--yet haunted still by one
pale ghost, and the knowledge that his bosom contained a secret which,
if divulged, would acquire for him universal detestation. He did not
fear discovery; but little do they know the human heart who are not
aware of the throes of shame and anguish that attend the knowledge that
we are in reality a cheat, that we disguise our own real selves, and
that truth is our worst enemy. Left to himself, Falkner thought of these
things with bitterness; he loathed the burden that sat upon his soul; he
longed to cast it off; yet, when he thought of Elizabeth; her devoted
affection and earnest entreaties, he was again a coward; how could he
consent to give her up, and plant a dagger in her heart!
There was but one cure to the irritation that his spirit endured, which
was--to take refuge in her society; and he was about to join her, when a
letter came, speaking of Gerard Neville--the same wild boy they had seen
at Baden--the kind friend of Marseilles, still melancholy, still
stricken by adversity; but endowed with a thousand qualities to attract
love and admiration: full of sentiment and poetry--kind and tender as
woman--resolute and independent as a man. Elizabeth said little,
remembering Falkner's previous restriction upon his name--but she
considered it her duty to mention him to her benefactor; and that being
her duty to him, it became another to her new friend to assert his
excellence, lest by some chance Falkner had mistaken, and attributed
qualities that did not belong to him.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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