Famous funny fellows : $b Brief biographical sketches of American humoristsClemens, William Montgomery
History
Famous funny fellows : $b Brief biographical sketches of American humorists
Clemens, William Montgomery
American wit and humor -- History and criticism; Humorists, American -- Biography
It is not withered up with care;
It is as fresh and fair to see,
As sweet to hold and dear to me,
As when with chimes upon the air
On Christmas nights of years ago
I held the same dear little thing
And felt its soft caresses bring
The flushes to my throbbing brow.
Ah, we were born to never part!
This little hand I hold to-night,
And I, so with a strange delight,
I press it to my beating heart,
And in the midnight’s solemn hush
I bless the little hand I hold.
In broken whispers be it told,
It is the old-time bobtail flush.
Then again in the following:
THE WARRIOR.
Under the window is a man
Playing an organ all the day--
Grinding as only a cripple can,
In a moody, vague, uncertain way.
His coat is blue and upon his face
Is a look of high-born, restless pride--
There is somewhat about him of martial grace
And an empty sleeve hangs at his side.
“Tell me, warrior, bold and true,
In what carnage, night or day,
Came the merciless shot to you,
Bearing your good right arm away?”
Fire dies out in the patriot’s eye,
Changed my warrior’s tone and mien--
Choked by emotion, he makes reply--
“Kansas--harvest--threshing machine.”
In October, 1881, Mr. Field commenced the publication of the Denver
Tribune Primer, which he abandoned as soon as it began to be generally
imitated. Samples of his primer style are appended:
MENTAL ARITHMETIC.
How many Birds are there in Seven soft-boiled Eggs?
If you have Five Cucumbers and eat Three, what will you have Left?
Two? No, you are Wrong. You will have More than that. You will have
Colic enough to Double you up in a Bow Knot for Six Hours. You may go
to the Foot of the Class.
A Man had Six Sons and Four Daughters. If he had had Six Daughters and
Four Sons, how many more Sons than Daughters would He have had?
If a Horse weighing 1600 pounds can Haul four tons of Pig Iron, how
many Seasons will a Front Gate painted Blue carry a young Woman on One
Side and a young Man on the Other?
THE WASP.
See the wasp. He has pretty yellow stripes around his Body, and a
Darning Needle in his Tail. If You Will Pat the Wasp upon the Tail, we
will Give You a Nice Picture Book.
THE EDITOR’S HOME.
Here is a Castle. It is the Home of an Editor. It has Stained Glass
windows and Mahogany stairways. In front of the Castle is a Park. Is
it not Sweet? The lady in the Park is the editor’s wife. She wears a
Costly robe of Velvet trimmed with Gold Lace, and there are Pearls
and Rubies in her Hair. The editor sits on the front Stoop smoking an
Havana Cigar. His little Children are Playing with diamond Marbles on
the Tesselated Floor. The editor can afford to Live in Style. He gets
Seventy-Five Dollars a month Wages.
THE SWEET HOME.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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