"I am going away, Allan. I have stayed to do everything that needed to
be done. Now your mother will be here to care for you, and it is time
for me to go."
He stared at her and stood still. Theresa had been there so long, she so
definitely, to his mind, belonged there. And she was, as I also had
jealously known, so lovely there, the small, dark, dainty creature, in
the old hall, on the wide staircases, in the garden.... Life there
without Theresa, even the intentionally remote, the perpetually
renounced Theresa--he had not dreamed of it, he could not, so suddenly,
conceive of it.
"Sit here," he said, and drew her down beside him on a bench, "and tell
me what it means, why you are going. Is it because of something that I
have been--have done?"
She hesitated. I wondered if she would dare tell him. She looked out and
away from him, and he waited long for her to speak.
The pale stars were sliding into their places. The whispering of the
leaves was almost hushed. All about them it was still and shadowy and
sweet. It was that wonderful moment when, for lack of a visible horizon,
the not yet darkened world seems infinitely greater--a moment when
anything can happen, anything be believed in. To me, watching,
listening, hovering, there came a dreadful purpose and a dreadful
courage. Suppose for one moment, Theresa should not only feel, but _see_
me--would she dare to tell him then?
There came a brief space of terrible effort, all my fluttering,
uncertain forces strained to the utmost. The instant of my struggle was
endlessly long and the transition seemed to take place outside me--as
one sitting in a train, motionless, sees the leagues of earth float by.
And then, in a bright, terrible flash I knew I had achieved it--I had
_attained visibility_. Shuddering, insubstantial, but luminously
apparent, I stood there before them. And for the instant that I
maintained the visible state I looked straight into Theresa's soul.
She gave a cry. And then, thing of silly, cruel impulses that I was, I
saw what I had done. The very thing that I wished to avert I had
precipitated. For Allan, in his sudden terror and pity, had bent and
caught her in his arms. For the first time they were together; and it
was I who had brought them.
Then, to his whispered urging to tell the reason of her cry, Theresa
said:
"Frances was here. You did not see her, standing there, under the
lilacs, with no smile on her face?"
"My dear, my dear!" was all that Allan said. I had so long now lived
invisibly with them, he knew that she was right.
"I suppose you know what it means?" she asked him, calmly.
"Dear Theresa," Allan said, slowly, "if you and I should go away
somewhere, could we not evade all this ghostliness? And will you come
with me?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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