Fan : The Story of a Young Girl's LifeHudson, W. H. (William Henry)
General
Fan : The Story of a Young Girl's Life
Hudson, W. H. (William Henry)
Fiction
We know that her judgment was at fault; and her anger was perhaps
unreasonable. _All_ anger is said to be unreasonable by some wise
people, which makes one wonder why this absurd, perverse, and
superfluous affection was ever thrust into our souls. But the feeling
in her was natural, for her mother had indirectly inflicted much
unhappiness on her already, in her mistaken efforts to do her good; and
when we suffer an injury from some unknown hand, we generally jump to
the conclusion that it comes from the enemy we wot of; and, very often,
the surmise is a correct one. She, Miss Churton, certainly regarded this
thing as a personal injury. She had anticipated much pleasure from the
society of her pupil, and after that first conversation in the garden
had resolved to win her love, and be to her friend and sister as well
as teacher. Now it seemed that the girl was to be nothing to her and
everything to her mother, and naturally she was disappointed and angry.
We have all seen women--some of them women who read books, listen to
lectures, and even take degrees, and must therefore be classed with
rational beings--who will cry out and weep, and only stop short of
tearing their raiment and putting ashes on their heads, at the loss of
a pet dog, or cat, or canary; and Miss Churton had promised herself a
greater pleasure from her intercourse with this girl, who had so won her
heart with her pale delicate beauty and her feeling for nature, than it
is possible for a rational being to derive from the companionship of
any dumb brute--even of such a paragon among four-footed things as
a toy-terrier, or pug, or griffon. All through her walk in the shady
woods, and when she sat in a sequestered spot under her favourite tree
with her book lying unread on her lap, she could only think of her
mother's supposed treachery, and of that look of triumph on her face
when Fan had decided to remain in the house with her--rejoicing,
no doubt, at her daughter's defeat. All this seemed hard to endure
uncomplainingly; but she was strong and proud, and before quitting her
sylvan retreat she resolved to submit quietly and with a good grace
to the new position of affairs, though brought about by such unworthy
means. She would make no petulant complaints nor be sullen, nor drop any
spiteful or scornful words to spoil her mother's satisfaction; nor
would she make any overt attempts to supplant her mother in the girl's
confidence, or to win even a share of her affection. She would hide her
own pain, and faithfully perform the dry, laborious task of instruction
assigned her, unrelieved by any such feelings of a personal kind, and
looking for no reward beyond the approval of her own conscience. It was
impossible, she said to herself with bitterness, that she should ever
stoop, even in self-defence, to use one of those weapons which were
to be found in her mother's armoury--the little underhand doings,
hypocrisies, and whispered insinuations which her religion sanctified.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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