"I send you these enclosures," she wrote at last, "they explain
themselves. I trust to your honour to keep them back for two and a half
days from your receipt of this letter. You have borne so much already;
you will bear this for me. This alters everything, of course. You
won’t need me now. Had I been able to atone in the smallest degree for
your shame and betrayal, you know that I would have given myself gladly,
without a moment’s hesitation. But your career is opening out again
before you. You are not mine really, you see; you never were mine in
the biggest sense. Men like you are too big to be bound down by a
woman’s love; you will reach your goal the quicker because you haven’t
me beside you. Everything is settled; my husband’s escape and my own.
It will tell in his favour if I too seem involved in the inevitable
scandal. We shall have to stand or fall together in this. Such help as
I can give him by identifying myself with his interests must be his—is,
in fact, his due, considering that in my heart I violated every law of
God’s that bound us.
"Don’t try to find me; I have to take my courage in both hands as it is.
There are some things beyond expression.
"Good-bye. That’s a cold word to say. I doubt if it ever has been said
with a more profound sense of farewell. We shall never meet again in
the future; we have met too often in the past. Yet how sweet it has
been, some of it—worth every pang, every wound. How sweet it might have
been, you and I know.... But we cannot stand against God’s will.
"I could write on for ever—what’s the use? We know the truth. We
belong to each other, now and always. The two lives which stand between
us now are shadows, which once in eternity will disappear."
She folded the two letters, addressed them, and went down-stairs to post
them herself. There was a letter with a foreign postmark in the box;
she recognized the handwriting as Hare’s, although so weak and
tremulous. She held it for a moment in her hand, wondering what it
contained; Hare was an infrequent correspondent. She decided to post
her letters first, and read his message afterwards. There was so much
still to be done that night. She had still to arrange her own plans of
escape. To Marseilles she must inevitably go—but afterwards? That lay
on the knees of the gods. When once she had seen Brand, she would take
the next train out to the unknown.
*CHAPTER III*
"They kill me, they cut my flesh ... what then? ... In matter of death
carry thyself scornfully ... either the gods can do nothing for us, or
they can allay the distemper of thy mind. If they can do nothing, why
dost thou pray?"—MARCUS AURELIUS.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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