She reached her goal only when sunset had painted the very ground she
stood upon with roseate colours. Between herself and the highest heaven
there stretched a gossamer veil of gold. And here at last was the
reality for which she longed. She felt as though, had she but faith
enough, she could have been carried through the whirling spaces upwards
and onwards to a place of rest whose beauties were undreamed of by even
the purest saint in the little monastery below.
She stayed there for a long while—longer even than she knew. The light
failed. She rose slowly to her feet. Descent was difficult; she knew
now how weak she was. Now and again she stumbled. Over her eyes there
was a strange dimness, the gradual decay of thought. Presently limbs
and brain alike refused their offices. She felt as though she were
being taken up bodily into the grip of some great grey, mocking Shape
that held her to itself and paralyzed her. But she pressed on, guided
by some unswerving instinct, to the door of the convent. There, and
there only, she dropped in the act of pulling at the bell.
Some one came; some one carried her into her room. She revived when
water was poured on her forehead and her hands were laved. They left
her. After a while she recovered sufficiently to undress. Presently all
was still.
There was no sound in the convent now, not even in the chapel; the dull
droning of monks in their lonely cells, chanting offices of penitence
and remorse, did not reach her. And now in this infinitely lonely hour,
alike afar from friend and foe, a kinder form seemed to come close, one
which she did not recognize, yet which made clear those hidden things
about which she still feared to ask.
Away in the distance, very far away, as she passed swiftly through those
grey shadows of oblivion which so many of us would welcome as friends,
she saw the figure of her lover up to the last standing erect and
triumphant on his little pinnacle of fame, the living symbol of that for
which she had come near renouncing every hope of the hereafter which
held her at that very moment in its grip. The vision dispersed.
Through the room, very slowly, she thought she felt little streams of
cold air filtering; they made a dull rhythm, like the running water of a
Highland burn. She tried to listen to their music, but could not; in
the hour of death the brain, last servant to escape from the house of a
powerful master, mocks our call. She struggled desperately to come back
from the long passage down which her weakened spirit was being
compelled—the last effort of one who was born a fighter. Over her body
an icy sweat had broken, in her limbs there was no longer warmth or
life. She listened to the beats of her heart striking dimly like the
hammer of a clock that was running out. This, then, was death—the truce
to struggle.
She was too tired even to be glad. But suddenly light broke.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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