Fifteen Days: An Extract from Edward Colvil's JournalPutnam, Mary Lowell
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Fifteen Days: An Extract from Edward Colvil's Journal
Putnam, Mary Lowell
Diary fiction; Slavery -- United States -- Fiction
How real seemed to me, that morning, the sacred story! I had hitherto
contemplated the Christ in his divine being, looking up to him from a
reverent distance. Now he seemed suddenly brought near to me in his
human nature. I felt that our earth had, indeed, once owned him. And
then how vivid the sense of loss and waste,--a beautiful and
beneficent life cut short by violence! "Dying, not like a lamp that
for want of oil can burn no longer, but like a torch in its full flame
blown out by the breath of a north wind!"
Everything that I read with Harry, or that I talk over with him, has
new meaning for me, or a new force.
Why are we so careful to avoid pain? If it was a necessary part of the
highest mortal experience, how can we ask that it may be left out from
ours? And yet, on every new occasion, we strive to put from us the
offered cross. Even while we say, "Thy will be done!" an inward hope
entreats that will to be merciful. Such remonstrances with myself rose
in me as I read. They did not prevent me from feeling a thrill of
dread as this warning passed over my lips:--"Who shall say how soon
God may draw us from our easy speculations and theories of suffering,
to the practical experience of it? Who can tell how soon we may be
called to the fiery trial?" I turned involuntarily to Harry. He, too,
had heard a summons in these words. I read in his eyes the answer that
came from his steady breast,--"My Father, I am here!" I felt my spirit
lifted with the closing words,--"If we suffer with him, we shall also
reign with him"; but there was no change in Harry's clear, prepared
look. I have never known a faith so implicit as his. He does not ask
after threats or promises; he only listens for commands.
When the services were over, Hans came forward to say good-bye to the
Doctor and Harry. He took a hand of each, and stood looking from one
to the other.
"We cannot spare you, Harry Dudley. We shall miss you, Doctor. Harry,
when you are ready to set up your farm, come and take a look round you
here again. We are good people, and love you. There will be land near
in the market before long. Sooner should you have it than old Rasey.
Think of it; we can talk things over, evenings."
"You shall have your turn," he said to his boys, who were waiting, one
on either side of him. "I am an old man, and leave-taking comes hard.
Youth has many chances more."
He gave his benediction, repeated a little rhyming German couplet,--a
charm, perhaps, for a good journey,--and then turned away sturdily,
went slowly out of the door and down the steps, leaving Karl and Fritz
to say their words of farewell. Karl spoke for both. What Fritz had in
his heart to say he could not utter, for the tears would have come
with it.
At a quarter before twelve Harry brought down the russet
knapsack,--brought down the little flower-press,--brought down the
long umbrella.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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