Fifteen Days: An Extract from Edward Colvil's JournalPutnam, Mary Lowell
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Fifteen Days: An Extract from Edward Colvil's Journal
Putnam, Mary Lowell
Diary fiction; Slavery -- United States -- Fiction
We could easily have arranged to meet at Quickster, which is about the
same distance from him that it is from me. But a ride of twenty miles,
most of them slow ones, beside a man with whom you are not in full
sympathy, is a trial. I did not feel called upon to undergo it for
him. When he took leave of me, he again seemed about to propose
something, and I felt it was this plan which was so natural; but he
was again withheld, by pride or by delicacy. Either feeling I could
sympathize with, and I was more touched by this reserve than by all
his friendly advances; but I hardened my heart. He mounted his horse.
I saw him go slowly down the path to the road, stoop from the saddle
to open the gate,--pass out. And then I was seized with sudden
compunction. I heard the slow step of his horse, receding as if
reluctantly, and ready to be checked at a hint. I ran to the gate.
Frederic was just turning away, as if he had been looking back,
expecting to see me; but in the same instant he gave an intimation to
his horse, and was out of the reach of my repentance.
"_I liked him._" With Harry these words mean a great deal. Could Harry
ever have liked him, if he had not been worthy to be liked? How sad
his look was, when he spoke of his happy boyish days!--happier than
these only because they were blameless. Was not this regret itself an
earnest of the power of return? He had good blood in him. He is
Charles Shaler's cousin. He has a weak, shallow mother,--a father
whose good qualities and whose faults are overlaid with the same
worldly varnish impartially. He feels the need of other influences,
and clings to Harry. He comes to me instinctively seeking something he
has not in his home. My mother has always judged him more kindly than
I have. If he had been a poor outcast child, I should have felt his
coming to me so frankly and so persistently to be a sign I was to do
something for him. Is there a greater need than that of sympathy and
honest counsel? I have been selfish, but this pain is punishment
enough. I feel a remorse surely out of proportion to my sin. I do not
prevent his going to meet Harry by not asking him to go with me. He is
not one to give up his wish; and in this case there is no reason that
he should. He will arrive; I am sure of it. And I will atone, at
least in part. I will ask him to join me on the ride home.
Old Jasper has told me stories of Frederic Harvey's good-heartedness
in childhood: tells them to me, indeed, every time he sees me. I
remember one in particular, of the pretty little boy in his foreign
dress, and speaking his foreign language, carrying his own breakfast
one morning to the cabin where the old man lay sick; and another of
his taking away part of her load from a feeble woman; and another of
his falling on a driver and wresting from him the whip with which he
was lashing a fainting boy. But Jasper has only these early stories to
tell of him; and what different ones are current now!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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